Good grief

This week I attended another seminar on grief.  (Good grief!  Why in the world does she keep going to  those things?  Isn’t she done grieving by now?)  I went because after Anna died, I wanted to know everything I could about grief--and I still do.  

Am I doing this right?  

Is this normal?  

How can I do this better?  

How can I help other people who are grieving?  

In the last four years, I have attended several grief groups--most of them approached grief psychologically instead of spiritually.  Most of them were not very helpful.

The world tells me to comfort myself by taking a walk, visualizing my ‘happy place,‘ making a craft, listening to music, writing a poem, hugging a tree, taking care of a pet, or touching my heart and saying, ‘Bless you.  Be healed.’  (I am not making these up.  These are actual suggestions from grief 'experts.')    After Anna died, I realized there was no amount of food, no gifts, no trips, no happy place, no pets, no trees, no NOTHING that could touch the pain that I felt.  So where did my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord.  For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow into our lives, so also Christ’s comfort overflows.  

The day after Anna died (before consulting the grief experts) I asked God how I was supposed to go on living and his answer was VERY clear.  He did not say, “keep a journal, seek a therapist, breathe deeply, drink tea, listen to music.”  Those are comforts that the world offers and they are nice, but the comfort they provide is temporary.  What God told me was, “Do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  Those were my instructions, 

Change your perspective.  

See what I see.  

Trust me.  

Why would I seek comfort in alcohol, sex or hugging a tree when I have the GOD OF ALL COMFORT waiting to comfort me?

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”  That’s a promise straight from the mouth of Christ.  The blessing is not anything I can see or touch.  The blessing comes from drawing close to the God of all comfort and pouring out my heart to him like water and holding his hand as I walk through the valley.  The blessing comes from getting out of bed in His strength and not my own.  The blessing comes from comforting someone else with the comfort I have received.  The blessing is the hope that I have in HIM.

Recently I met a woman who told me that she had tried a grief support group and hated it.  She said the people in the group sat around crying and she couldn’t deal with everyone else’s pain in addition to her own.  I wasn’t sure she would like our group because we sometimes cry and we share our stories, but I invited her anyway.  After the meeting I asked her what she thought and she said, “This group is different.  This group has hope.”  She could see a difference in the way we grieve because we grieve with HOPE!  When someone dies, Christians experience just as much pain, depression, despair, regret, and fear as the next person, but we acknowledge God’s sovereignty and that he has a bigger picture than we can see.  We accept that this life is not all there is.  We focus on Heaven and what is to come.  And eventually, we are able to stop asking “Why?” and start asking, “What are you doing in this situation, Lord?”  
And through it all we are transformed by our grief.  

Hope makes a difference.  

It changes everything.

PS.  If you are looking to connect with those who are grieving with hope, check out GriefShare.org for a group in your area.

Abandoned by God?

Once upon a time the city of Samaria was under siege (2 Kings 6-7).  The people inside the city were starving to death while the armies of Aram encamped around them.  One day the King of Samaria was walking around the city wall when a woman cried out to him for help.  He looked at her and said, "If God does not help you, how can I help you?"  He had nothing to offer. He knew that only God could help her.  Before walking away he asked, "What's the matter?"  The woman told a gruesome story of an arrangement she had made with another woman to kill and eat their sons.  Evidently after eating the first woman's son, the other woman had gone back on her word and had hidden her son.  When the king heard her words he was sickened by the disaster that had come upon his people.  He tore his robe and cried out,   "All this misery is from the Lord!  Why should I wait for the Lord any longer?" He felt abandoned by God.  He didn't see any way out of his current situation.  He was hopeless.

Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever gotten tired of waiting for God to help you?  My neighbor got tired of waiting.  My friend's nephew got tired of waiting.  They thought they were in hopeless, impossible situations.


But God changed everything for the Samaritans in ONE day.  What seemed impossible to them was possible with God.  Unbeknownst to the Samaritans, God had caused the Arameans to hear what sounded like a great army attacking them and they abandoned their camp and ran for their lives.  The enemy was defeated!  God had fought the battle.  He was the victor, but the people inside the city continued to live in bondage--not knowing that their salvation had arrived.

Are you one of the Samaritans in this story?  God has fought the battle for YOU!  He has won the victory over sin and death.  You don't have to live as a victim.  You don't have to live without hope.  You can claim victory in Christ.


That night, four lepers decided to surrender to the Arameans.  They knew if they stayed in the city they would die so they took their chances by going to the enemy camp.  When they got there, they found that it was empty.  They ran into the first tent and ate and drank and gathered gold, silver, and clothes.  After raiding several tents they said, "This is not right.  This is a day of good news and we aren't sharing it with anyone...Come let's go back and tell the people."  At first the guards didn't believe the lepers so they sent out scouts to see if it was true.  When they discovered that the army was truly gone and that they were free, the entire city ran out to plunder the camp.

Are you one of the lepers in this story?  Do you have good news that you need to share or are you just stuffing your face?  Do you go to church and eat the bread of life and never share it with people who are starving?  In the words of the lepers, "This is not right."


Do not give up.  God can change your circumstances in an instant, but even if he does not you can have a hope that is firm and secure.  And if you have good news, share it!


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)