C.S. Lewis

While on vacation, I have been reading a book about CS Lewis and his life with Joy Gresham.  He married and fell in love (in that order) in his 60's.  His wife had cancer and they thought she was going to die, but she recovered and they enjoyed a wonderful year together before she relapsed.  I used to say that the only thing worse that getting cancer was getting it again.  Lewis wrote a poem that describes the experience of relapse perfectly;

...all our former pain
And all our surgeon's care
Is lost, and all the unbearable (in vain
Borne once) is still to bear.

After Joy's death, her son wrote of Lewis;

He overcame his grief to the extent that he could function again as a human being and as a writer--but there was never, ever, any time at which he wasn't conscious of his loss.   ---Douglas Gresham

That describes me and everyone I know who has lost someone very close to them.  We are able to function, but we are always conscious of our loss.... and that's OKAY. 

Finally I want to share something Lewis wrote to a friend who was facing surgery.  Perhaps you are struggling against fear today.  Trust.  Rest in Him.  If it's not the end, then make it a good rehearsal. 

Remember, tho' we struggle against things because we are afraid of them, it is often the other way round-- we get afraid because we struggle.  Are you struggling, resisting?  Don't you think Our Lord says to you, 'Peace, child, peace.  Relax.  Let go.  Underneath you are the everlasting arms.  Let go, I will catch you.  Do you trust me so little?'  Of course this [surgery] may not be the end.  Then make it a good rehearsal. ---C.S. Lewis