Christmas confessions

Have you read the Christmas story in Mark lately?  There’s no manger.  No Mary and Joseph.  No baby Jesus.  No star or angels.  No heavenly hosts or shepherds.  No silent night.

If Mark was the only one who wrote about Jesus’ entrance to the world, Christmas would look a lot different.

There would be no gifts.

There would be no Hallmark Christmas movies.

There would be no twinkling lights.

We would be eating locusts and honey instead of turkey and dressing. Instead of a manger scene, there would be a wild looking man dressed in leather and camel hair, preparing the way for Jesus by preaching one message.  

A message we don’t usually hear at Christmas.  

A message of repentance.

Mark’s good news of Christ’s arrival begins with a call for a change of mind that results in a change of actions.

And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to him (c)onfessing their sins

How many of us have Christmas confessions on our ‘to do’ list?

According to Mark’s gospel, the way we need to prepare for Christmas is to repent.

“I will send my messenger ahead of you,

    who will prepare your way”—

“a voice of one calling in the wilderness,

‘Prepare the way for the Lord,

    make straight paths for him.’”

John prepared the way for the arrival of Christ by leading the people to turn from their sinful ways.

Forgive me.

I’m sorry.

Heal me.

Restore me.

Change me.

But today, instead of repenting, we shop, we decorate, we bake, we party, and then we compare our gifts and decorations, and activities with everyone else’s. 

Our path is full of distractions and detours, and we miss out on God with us.  

This Christmas take the time to prepare the way for the Lord by preparing your heart and not just your house.

Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near.

Love does not rejoice

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Corinthians 13:6)                      

This verse is tucked inside the famous "Love Chapter"of 1 Corinthians 13.  We have all heard it read at weddings and held up as the perfect kind of love we should aspire to... patient, kind, long-suffering, not boastful or rude. We can all agree that those things are loving. But there is some controversy in our society over verse six.  Love does not rejoice at wrongdoings. Another translation says love does not delight in evil. The Bible clearly states that it is not loving to celebrate sin. It is not loving to approve of actions that God says he will punish. 

The world says that Christians are haters because we don't applaud those lifestyles and choices that deviate from God's design. The world says Christians who support the biblical model of marriage and fidelity are intolerant bigots. But God says it is the opposite of love to applaud wrongdoing. Wouldn't it be more hateful to believe what God says about sin and death and hope and life and NOT tell people?  How much do I have to hate someone to approve of something they are doing that God says will bring condemnation? Even if you don't agree with me, you have to admit that according to 1 Corinthians 13:6, if I love you I cannot rejoice in your sin.  If I love you I will speak truth and not say what you want to hear. 

The argument is that we should all just love each other because Jesus loved everyone. That is true. Jesus loved the tax collectors and sinners, but he did not rejoice in what they were doing.  He loved the tax collectors and told them to give back the money they had stolen.  He loved the prostitutes and told them go and sin no more.  He loved the greedy man and told him to be generous.  He loved the gossips and told them to say only those things that build up and not those things that tear down.  He loved the prideful and told them to consider others better than themselves.  He loved the busy woman and told her to focus on what was really important in life. He loved the woman who was living with a man who was not her husband and told her how to worship in spirit and in truth. Jesus never rejoiced in wrongdoing or said it was okay to continue in sin.  Jesus loved people where they were and then said, "Be holy as I am holy." 

It's not surprising that Jesus wanted to eat with sinners. That's why he said he came--to seek and save the lost. What is surprising to me is that sinners wanted to eat with Jesus.  He was perfect, righteous, and holy... and sinners flocked to him. Most of us don't enjoy being around perfect people because they highlight our imperfections. So what was it about Jesus that drew people to him? The reason sinners were attracted to Jesus was because he was full of grace and truth.

Most of us lean one way or the other. If you are full of truth, but no grace, no sinner is ever going to want to eat with you. A grouchy legalist is not approachable. I sat by one the other day and I wanted to get away as soon as possible. We cannot sit and condemn people and expect them to be attracted to our Savior.

On the other hand, if you are full of grace without truth, you are like a bandaid on a gaping wound. You do good things and you try to make people feel better by covering up their brokenness without offering the truth that will truly heal them.

Jesus was not either/or.  He was both/and. He was holy and he was loving. His holiness was not a barrier to people because it was paired with love. Jesus met people where they were. He knew their sins and loved them anyway. He did not rejoice in their wrongdoing, but showed them a better way. If we are going to be like him, we have to approach people the same way.

Do you think you will escape the judgment of God?  Do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:3-4)

I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live, declares the Lord. (Ezekiel 33:11)

Can you read the condoms on the wall?

Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.  But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. Romans 13:13-14

Dear University,
Last week when I was moving my son into your dorm, it reminded me of when I moved into my own college dorm 25 years ago... the newness, the excitement, meeting my hall mates... and then I saw the condoms on the bulletin board. We did not have those in my dorm 25 years ago.  I am not naive enough to think that no one had sex when I was in college, but the university did not go out of their way to make it easy.  Single sex dorms with curfews and limited visitation were all attempts to protect us from ourselves.  What are you doing to protect your students?  Condoms on the bulletin board?  Where has this form of "protection" gotten your university?  The first week of school you start promoting your campaign against relationship and sexual violence.  You expect your students to have sex, but you tell them not to hurt anyone.
The unwritten message is, "Boys, this is what we expect of you, and girls, this is what you can expect on your dates."  Where is the message that says they have the right to say no? Where is message that says they have the right to have fun and get to know a person and then say goodnight at the door? Where is the encouragement to abstain from a world of one night stands and broken hearts and bodies?  I didn't see any of those messages.  The only message I saw was "Wrap it before you tap it." Nice.
Perhaps if purity was pursued rather than parodied, or if students were protected by policies and procedures rather than confronted by condoms every time they walk down the hall, you could do away with your campaigns and your t-shirts against sexual violence. Perhaps if you made "no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" you would have more people studying and less people "tapping it".  I know you will say that I am old fashioned and that times have changed.  You are right, times have changed.  But there is an ancient way that leads to rest for your souls. How many of your students long for that?  How many are being counseled for depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Instead of giving them a Rock to cling to, you gave them a condom.

This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' Jeremiah 6:16

Where do you love?

Last week I got a text from a new friend asking me, "Where do you love?"  I knew it was an auto-correct error, but it made me think...  Where do I love? 
Is my home a place where I cook and clean and sleep or is it a place where I love?  Is it a place where I love the ones closest to me and reach out to those far away,  or is it a place where I retreat to myself. Do I spend more time on Facebook than I do loving? Am I more concerned about the weeds in the yard or about the love in the room?  If the beds are made and the dishwasher is unloaded, but I have not love, I have gained nothing.  If my kids' rooms are clean and I serve gourmet meals, but I have not love, no one will look forward to coming home.
Lord, I don't just want my house to be the place where I live.  I want it to be the place where I love.

Feelings are not facts...

If I don't feel like being a mom, it doesn't change the fact that I have three kids who need my attention.
If I don't feel like being married, it doesn't change the fact that I made a covenant with my husband 21 years ago.
When I was pregnant with my son, I felt like I was having a girl, but that didn't change the fact that he was a boy.
When a girl with anorexia feels fat, it doesn't change the fact that she is so malnourished that her hair is falling out and her period has stopped.  We don't encourage the anorexic to continue feeling fat. Instead we do what we can to help her see herself the way she really is.
This week I heard about trans-abled people who feel the need to be disabled.  Just because you feel like you should be paralyzed doesn't change the fact that you are able bodied. I would not encourage someone who felt like they should be an amputee to cut off their own arm.  I would encourage them to see and accept themselves they way they are.
Suicidal people feel like dying.  We don't encourage them to act on their feelings.  We do everything we can to change their feelings.
 So why is it when a man feels like a woman the world says those feelings are right.  The world says those feelings trump the fact that every single cell in his body has an X and a Y chromosome--which cannot be changed by any amount of surgery.  The world says his feeling are more important than the fact that he has a wife and kids who also have feelings. I do not understand this.
Feelings are not facts.  Feelings can and do change. The world tells us to follow our hearts.  But the Bible tells us,  The heart is deceitful above all things. (Jeremiah 17:9)
We must do what is right... whether we feel like it or not.

Fasting and failing

Today I am fasting.  

Oh, it's not like I'm going without food for 40 days or anything, I'm just skipping ONE MEAL for goodness sake.

Today I am failing.

Today I yelled at Will when the bus was here and he couldn't find the note he needed for school.. the note I had written just a few minutes before.

Today Richard told me I didn't need to yell... and so I yelled at him too.

Today I can't comfort myself with food.  I must deal with my sin on an empty stomach.

So I asked for forgiveness from Will.  I asked for forgiveness from Richard. And I asked for forgiveness from God--the only one who sees the yucky stuff that I am able to hide from others most of the time, but not today.

Then since I couldn't eat, I vacuumed the couch. (I cannot explain this.) What I found was the yucky stuff that had slipped between the cracks.  No matter how many times I have tidied the living room the past few weeks, I have missed the stale popcorn and fuzzy jelly beans under the cushions.  It's much easier to straighten the pillows than to deal with the stuff underneath, but that stuff never goes away on it's own.  It has to be uncovered and swept away. 

Fasting does that too.  It reveals the yucky stuff that I manage to hide most days. It's easy to hide my irritability and self-centeredness... until I'm hungry apparently. But when what is hidden inside comes out and yells at my family, it's time to deal with it.  It's time to admit it's there.  It's time to call it what it is. It's time to realize that as clean as I get the outside of the cup, the inside is what needs a good washing.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. "(Matt. 23:25-26)

Good news! Along with the yucky stuff in the couch, I also found Audra's Ipod that she has been searching for. 

Fasting doesn't just reveal what you are trying to hide, it also reveals what you are searching for. It helps you find your satisfaction in God rather than food. It helps you focus on what is important. It's a reminder that man does not live on bread alone. It's a way to show myself that I want God more than I want a bowl of cereal. 

You satisfy me more than the richest of foods. I will praise you with songs of joy. (Psalm 63:5)

For my wilderness friends

I was reading this morning about the Israelites after they left Egypt.  In Exodus 16 it says they "came to the wilderness of Sin."  Apparently this particular wilderness is located somewhere between Elim and Sinai and it just happens to have the ironic name of Sin.  Your wilderness may be located inside an empty house, a hospital room, a cemetery, a school, or a doctor's office.  It may be caused by sin (yours or someone else's) or it may just be an unwelcome part of your journey.

When the Israelites got to the wilderness of Sin they were hungry and they grumbled because they remembered how it used to be.  When I'm in the wilderness, I grumble too.  I want things the way they were before.  I'm needy. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm empty.  And I want God to show up!  Look at God's response to their grumbling, "I am about to rain bread from heaven for you." What?  They just wanted to go back to Egypt.  They didn't know there was another way to survive the wilderness. But in the morning they looked outside and saw something covering the ground and asked, 'What is it?' Moses told them, 'It's the bread that the Lord has given you to eat.'  It was like nothing they had ever seen before and a new supply fell every morning. There was enough for everyone and it kept coming as long as they were in the wilderness.

Manna sounds a lot like grace--new every morning, sufficient for the day and enough for everyone. When I was in the wilderness of cancer, people would say that there was no way they could do what I was doing. They were right. Unless you are in the wilderness, you don't have the manna you need.  Unless you have breast cancer, you don't have the grace God gives to sustain you in that sick bed. Unless your husband has moved out, you don't have the grace that is sufficient for you in that empty house. Unless your child has died, you don't have the grace you need to survive a trip to the cemetery. But when you are in the wilderness--of loneliness, of pain, of depression--that is when God provides the grace to sustain you. You might have to look for it and it may not look like anything you've ever experienced before.  You may not think it's enough. You may be like the Israelites who wondered how they could survive without all the food they wanted.  But God says, 'My grace is sufficient for you.'(2 Cor. 12:9) As you journey through your wilderness, God's grace may not look like what you thought you wanted, but it is all you need.

If you are wandering in the wilderness, keep moving.  In chapter 17 it says that the people moved from the wilderness by stages. Those Israelites moved from place to place to place before they finally got to where they were going.  If you are in the wilderness, press on.  Don't give up. Moses named one of those intermediary places Massah (which means tested) because it was there that the people tested the Lord by saying, 'Is the Lord among us or not?' Excuse me? Did they forget about the manna?  Did they not see God with them every morning when they looked outside their tent?

When you are camped in a place that seems far from where you want to be and you are wondering if God is there, look for the manna. Look for the mercies that are new every morning. Look for the bread. God's response to our need is still bread from heaven. Jesus said, 'I am the living bread that came down from heaven.' (John 6:51)  This is my body which was broken for you... take,eat. (1 Cor. 11:24)

Manna...bread...grace...Jesus.

Discontent can kill you

Genesis 30 is an interesting story full of competition, jealousy, and sex.  If you have read the story of Jacob, you know that he married two sisters.  (This was not a good idea then and it's not a good idea now.)  As it was bound to happen, Jacob loved one sister more than the other. (The fact that he was tricked into marrying one might have something to do with his feelings.) The Bible says God took pity on the one who was unloved and gave her sons--lots of sons.  

Now the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. (Gen. 29:31)  

Of course this drove Rachel crazy with jealousy so she "gave" her husband her handmaiden to sleep with. (Apparently surrogacy is not a modern concept.)  After the maid gave Jacob two more sons, Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won." There are many wonderful reasons to have children, but competing with your sister is not one of them.  Although the babies were technically Rachel's, there was still a stigma attached to not being able to bear her own children and she longed for a son. When she finally gets pregnant after her husband has 6 sons from Leah, 2 from Rachel's maid Bilhah, and 2 from Leah's maid Zilpah (but who's counting), Rachel exclaims, "God has taken away my disgrace."  
Her long wait is over.  She has a son! Her heart's desire has been granted.  The thing that she most wanted in life is hers.  She should be happy right?  The child she prayed for is in her arms.  She should be content right?  

SHE'S NOT!  

I know this because she named the baby Joseph which means "may he add" and then she said, "May the Lord add to me another son."  The birth of Joseph doesn't satisfy her, it only makes her want more.  Shame on Rachel for not being content.  

Shame on me.  

How many times do I desire more than I have?  How many times have I been dissatisfied with the life God has given me and wanted more?  How many times do I get one thing only to want something else?  

Rachel eventually got what she asked for, but it killed her.  She died giving birth to her second son Benjamin.  I'm not saying that she shouldn't have had Benjamin. I'm just saying that she should have enjoyed Joseph.

Another example of someone who let what he didn't have steal the joy of what he did have is Haman. If you read the book of Esther, you'll know that Haman is a bad guy.  For some reason the King elevated him above all the nobles, gave him a seat of honor and commanded all the officials to bow to him.  Haman was probably very smart and very rich (or perhaps just very manipulative.)  He was also very prideful.  There was one man who refused to bow down to him and that drove him crazy.  It made him so angry that he didn't want to kill just the one man (who was a Jew), but he wanted to kill the entire Jewish race.  He got the King to endorse his extermination plan, not knowing that the Queen was Jewish.  

Haman had everything he could ever want.  But when he saw Mordecai at the king’s gate and observed that he neither rose nor showed fear in his presence, he was filled with rage... Calling together his friends,  Haman boasted to them about his vast wealth, his many sons, and all the ways the king had honored him and how he had elevated him above the other nobles and officials... "But all this gives me no satisfaction as long as I see that Jew Mordecai sitting at the king’s gate.”

Haman bragged about what he had, but said NONE OF IT MATTERED as long as Mordecai refused to honor him.  Shame on Haman for being discontent.

Shame on me.

Yet all this gives me no satisfaction as long as I...

I struggle against this when I fail to be content with what I have and instead focus on what I don't have. If I think I can't be happy without Anna, then I can never be happy.  How would you fill in the blank? What is it that you don't have that is keeping you from enjoying what you do have?  What are you so focused on getting that you fail to see what is in front of you? Can you enjoy what you have even if you never get... that promotion, that boyfriend, that car, that house, that job, that dress, that part in the play, that award, that recognition, that vacation, that WHATEVER.
Haman's discontent led to his downfall and his death when he was hung on the gallows he built for Mordecai. 
Discontent probably won't kill you like Rachel and Haman, but you will be miserable. It is possible to live a long discontent life... but why?

Seven years

I’m thankful to have had the life changing experience of being Anna’s mom.

I’m thankful that after 7 years, I wake up with joy.

I’m thankful for a marriage that survived the storm.

I’m thankful for deep friendships grown in the rich soil of suffering.

I’m thankful for the chance to comfort others with the comfort I’ve received.

I’m thankful for a God who can make beauty from ashes.

I’m thankful for the people who remember and those who can never forget because their lives were also changed.

I’m thankful for the knowledge that life on this earth is temporary.

I’m thankful for a future and a hope that does not depend on my circumstances.

I'm thankful that Anna is safely home.

By these things

This summer I read Isaiah chapter 38 which chronicles King Hezekiah's response to God healing him and giving him 15 more years to live,

But what can I say?  He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this.  I will walk humbly all my years because of the anguish of my soul. Lord, by these things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too... Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.            (vv.15-17)

I have read those words before and I confess that I have struggled to make sense of them.  Does it really mean that suffering is for my benefit?  How do our spirits find life in suffering?   Can anguish be good for me?
I have seen spirits languish from a life of prosperity and ease.  I have noticed that when things are good, we still find things to complain about... the neighbor's car parked in front of our house; my friend not calling me back; the price of gasoline; the weather.  When times are good, we take life for granted.  When  there is no suffering, we can get petty and picky.
But when we are humbled by suffering, we start being thankful for small mercies... hot tea with honey; a sunrise; a day at home and not in the hospital; being able to breathe.  When we are humbled by suffering, we become kinder and more generous.  When we are humbled by suffering, we are forced to let go of our pride and self-sufficiency.  When we are humbled by suffering we become better people than we were before.
I  know I am a better person because of Anna and the grief that I suffered.  My brother-in-law is a better person because of the physical injuries he suffered.  Joni E. Tada is who she is today, and able to help millions of people,  not in spite of, but because of what she suffered.
Unless we choose bitterness and despair, we can become better because of our suffering. And even though we wish that bad things never happened, we can be thankful for the good that results from them. That does not mean that I will ever desire suffering.  It's hard; it hurts; and it's humbling.  I don't seek it, but when it comes (and because we live, it will come) I can lean into it and learn from it and be transformed by it.

On July 23 we left Virginia for our vacation at Beaver Lake.  We were looking forward to a week of boating and fishing with my sister and her husband.  There was another family there doing the same thing and on July 25, on a huge lake with 500 miles of coast line, our lives intersected.  We were taking turns with the wakeboard and we had just paused to switch skiers when we heard screams.  A young man had been thrown off a jet ski and run over by a boat just a few yards away from us.  Because our boat was faster than theirs and because my brother-in-law knew the lake, we told the man's family that we would take him to the marina (18 miles away) and they could call 911 and have the ambulance meet us there.  We pulled the man (and his mother) onto our boat, wrapped him in our towels and tried to stop the bleeding.  It seemed like it took forever to get to the marina. Although the young man was talking and struggling to get comfortable during the ride, by the time the EMTs got there they had to start CPR.  We didn't know if he would make it.  But he did!  He is still in the hospital, but he is out of a coma and he will be transferred to rehab soon.

I read Isaiah 38 on July 23 and on July 25 I wrote in my journal, "I trust that E's accident will also be for his good." That's a lot of trust.  That's a big order.  But I have a big God.  I don't know the rest of E's story... yet, but I expect that this will change his life forever and that someday he will be able to see good come from his suffering and his spirit will find life in this too.

Get with the times...

Get with the times.
Things are different now.
That was then, this is now.

We see and hear all the time that things are changing.  What was once considered taboo is now broadcast on prime time.  What was considered normal is condemned as being old-fashioned and out-of-date.  We are not allowed to call anything sin because "society has changed" and the old rules are "out of date."

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  James 1:17

Our culture may be changing, but the Bible says that God doesn't change.  With God there is no variation because Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Why is that?  Why doesn't God change with the times?  If he's so smart, then why isn't he enlightened like the rest of us?

God doesn't change because God is perfect.  You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

The definition of perfect is "being entirely without fault or defect; flawless; satisfying all requirements; pure; total; complete."

If something is perfect, it doesn't have to change.  If something is perfect, it can't be improved upon.  If something is perfect it is flawless, total, and complete.  God doesn't have any defects that need changing.  His ways cannot be improved upon and his ways do not change.

We change because we are not perfect.  Society changes because society is not perfect.  But God does not change.  He does not have to get with the times; he created time.  He is not old-fashioned; he is eternal.  He is not out-of-date; he is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Am I perfect?  No I'm far from perfect.  Am I old-fashioned and out-of-date?  You bet I am.

Day 25--

Every day in November I post something I'm thankful for on facebook.  Day 25 is the day Anna died. What is there to be thankful for on this day?

I am thankful to be Anna's mom.  It was an honor and a privilege and a blessing beyond measure.

I am thankful for the people that I met along the way--doctors, nurses, art ladies, and other parents are people that I would never have met if I hadn't entered their world.

I am thankful for Junie B. Jones and butterflies.

I am thankful for the lives that were changed through our story.

I am thankful for the wisdom gained through suffering.

I am thankful that I have received comfort that I can use to comfort others.

I am thankful for a marriage that survived the death of a child.

I am thankful for my other children whose lives were forever impacted, but not defined, by their sister's death.

I am thankful for tested faith that is more precious than gold.

I am thankful for an eternal perspective.  What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I am thankful that I learned to trust God even though I can't understand him.

I am thankful for the 'missing feeling' that reminds me that this world is not my home.

I am thankful for a reunion to look forward to.

I am thankful that Anna taught me to live life while you can and to go to Sam's when you feel like it.

I am thankful for good friends who walked through the valley with us and who remember.

I am thankful that God can make beauty from ashes and change mourning to dancing.

I will always be sorry that she died, but I will never be sorry that she lived.

A woman's choice

Sex is good.  Sex is a gift.  Sex was created by our Creator.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

It is in the beginning. Man. Woman. One flesh. Sex. It's not bad.  It's not dirty.  It's a part of life.  (But contrary to popular media, it is not the goal of life.)

Why did the Creator gift us with this gift?  Why did he make us this way with these body parts and these hormones?

Be fruitful and multiply... Genesis 1:28

Sex has a purpose... BABIES!!!!!  Oh sure, sex is fun.  Sex is pleasurable.  But it's not just for fun.  It was designed for multiplication.  God made it feel good so that we would do it.  (If getting pregnant was as painful as having babies, there would be a LOT less babies in this world!)

Babies are the result of sex.  Babies are miracles.  Babies are people.  And babies are known by GOD.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

Even before babies are born, God sees them.  He knows them.  He knits them together.

The politicians debate a woman's right to choose.  Do I think women have a right to choose what they do with their bodies?  YES! Women have the right to choose to go outside God's original plan for sex. Women have the right to choose to reject becoming one flesh for life.  Women have the right to choose to have sex whenever and with whoever they please.  But when a woman's choice results in another person being created--someone who is fearfully and wonderfully made--that person has a right too. That person has the right to live.  
A woman's right to choose is not greater than another person's right to live.

So, yes a woman has a right to choose what she does with her body.  But the choice is made in the bedroom, or the back seat, or behind the school, or on the couch.  It's not made in an abortion clinic. 

Taking time to give thanks...

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another.  John 1:16

Over two years ago I started a journal of things I am thankful for.  Today I have over two thousand entries!  If you have the gift/curse of seeing what's wrong instead of what's right (like I do) I recommend starting your own journal as a way to record and remember the good things in life.

Things like....

Church potlucks
Saturday morning walks with a friend
12 year old boys playing games in the pool
Sonic happy hour
Friends we haven't met yet
The Cheese Shop in Williamsburg
True stories
A movie at the Byrd theater
Making people laugh
King sized beds
Country fried steak at the Pink Cadillac Diner
An emergency room decorated with butterflies
Reading a book in the shade
Funny texts from Jacob
The first night of VBS
Dinner from a friend
Meeting heroes
Flowers in the kitchen window
Chick Fil A by the pool
A husband fixing breakfast

Don't ever stop giving thanks and counting your blessings--even on bad days.  Some days you just have to look harder.

In everything give thanks... 1 Thess. 5:18

How to live on days you would rather stay in bed

Today is Anna's birthday.
I LOVE birthdays, but what am I supposed to do for this one?  Is it a day of celebration or a day of mourning?  Is it a day of laughter or a day of tears?  Do I need to make a birthday cake?

How now then should I live?

These are the answers I found...

Live and keep God's word (Ps 119:17)
Live by faith (Hab 2:4)
Live and believe (Jn 11:25)
Live in God (Acts 17:28)
Live to the Lord (Ro 14:8)
Live for Christ  (2 Cor 5:15)
Live by faith (Gal 2:20)
Live by the Spirit (Gal 5 :25)
Live and bear fruit (Phil 1:22)
Live free (1 Pet 2:16)
Live as a servant of God (1 Pet 2:16)
Live through him (1 Jn 4:9)

I am not supposed to stay in bed today.

I am supposed to live.

Anna Jane Salamy 5/29/02-11/25/07

Mama needs a new pair of shoes...

I needed a new pair of shoes, so last month for my birthday I got these.

They weren't the most expensive shoes and they weren't the cheapest either, but for some reason I had a hard time wearing them.  It wasn't that they didn't fit or that I didn't like the color, I just couldn't bring myself to wear them.  So I kept wearing my old shoes.

 (Ok, they are not quite this bad, but Jacob has my camera and I can't take a picture of my real shoes.)

Then last Sunday they announced in church that they were collecting shoes for the homeless.  I thought about my pink shoes--the ones I hadn't worn in two weeks; the ones that were still brand new.  Oh no Lord,  Not my pink shoes!  You don't want me to give up my pink shoes do you?  I need new shoes.  Do have to give up my pink shoes?  

We were at Monroe Park and helped pass out shoes to the homeless last year.  I remember how happy the people were.  It was fun to bless them.  It felt good to give.  After church, Richard told me that he felt like he needed to donate a pair of shoes. 

Sigh.

Really God?  TWO pairs of shoes?  

The next day I took my pink shoes back to Dick's and exchanged them for another pair that I liked that were less expensive.  I got back $30 in cash.  My new shoes cost $40 (I had a coupon) but they were the cheapest they had at Dick's.  Where could I get a pair for $30?  I thought about Walmart, but I didn't think it was right for me to buy my shoes at Dick's and buy someone else's at Walmart.  Then I thought about Kohl's.  I buy shoes there and they have a clearance rack.  So I drove straight to Kohl's and on the way I prayed, Lord could you help me find TWO pairs of shoes for $30?  Can you do that for me?  That was a crazy thing to ask for, but I needed two pairs--one for Richard and one for me.  When I got to Kohl's I headed straight to the clearance rack.  On the first rack there was a pair for $33 dollars.  On the second rack there was a pair for $23 dollars.  Then there on the bottom row of the last rack were two boxes of Avia tennis shoes.  One was size 11 and one was size 8.5 and they were marked 80% off.  I took them to the register and the total was $29.38.  

Two pairs of shoes regularly marked $69.99 each, for $30.

And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

If I had held onto to those pink shoes, all I would have is pink shoes.  

If I hold on to my stuff, then all I have is stuff.  

But if I hold on to God he will take care of my needs... and the needs of the people around me.

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Matt. 6:33.

The cure for what ails you...

Feeling down?  Give thanks.
Feeling prideful?  Give thanks.
Feeling jealous?  Give thanks.
Feeling lonely?  Give thanks.

Don't underestimate the power of thanksgiving!

Are you still counting?  I am up to 1,660.  These are a few of my recent blessings...

A free bunny rabbit
Singing praises with the residents at Madison House
Meeting a blind Nepali with a heart for God and for her people
Jacob getting a part in West Side Story
The whole family singing the Jet song while riding in the car
A good cry
Our annual game night with friends
Richard cleaning up after the game night before I came downstairs the next morning
Belly laughs
Candy bar cake
Free Starbucks
Audra wearing my mom's 60 year old dress
Legs to walk
Someone to walk with
Snuggling up with blankets and beanbags in front of the fire
Quiet mornings
Sunrises over snowfalls
A God who never sleeps, who watches over me while I do
Letters from a nine year old girl in Ecuador
Sending invitations
Two hour Moms in Prayer meetings
A sympathy card from the vet
Talking to Will about right and wrong; hearing that he has done the right thing
Standing on the porch in the rain drinking hot tea
Eating outside at Carytown Burgers in January
Second chances

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. John 1:16

You can't always get what you want

Valentines Day is overrated.
For the last nine years, we have spent this day in the hospital or at home with a sick kid.  Whose idea was it to put a romantic holiday in the middle of cold and flu season?  Today no one was physically sick, just grumpy.  And grumpiness is contagious.  Tonight after a dismal attempt at a dinner date, I ended up leaving the restaurant in tears.  The pressure had been building all day, but the back breaking straw was Richard pointing out that he dreads gift giving holidays (which may explain why Thanksgiving and Easter are his favorites.)  Apparently I don't receive gifts well.  I always knew that my sister was more fun to give to because she always gets excited and cries at everything, but I didn't realize that I was impossible to buy for.  At Christmas, after giving me a personal pie maker and seeing my reaction (or lack thereof), my friend commented, "You are hard to impress."  Then tonight Richard tells me how he can never find a gift that "touches my heart."  We've had versions of this conversation before and I always promise myself to act more excited next time.
Try giving me something and watch my reaction.  You will get a forced half-smile and a "thanks so much," before I set it aside.  It's true.  I am no fun to buy for.
The night went downhill from there as we drove home and started talking about the video of our Valentines Day breakfast in 2005.  While filming the kids opening their gifts, you can hear me saying, "Anna is sleeping in because she doesn't feel good this morning.  We'll let her open her gifts later."  It was before we ever heard the word CANCER.  Blissfully ignorant.
As I thought about Anna, I burst out in tears again, "I wonder if I liked presents before she died?"
And then I got it.
That's why I am so "hard to impress."
That's why nothing I get ever "touches my heart."
That's why everything  I get feels like "stuff."
It's because I never get what I really want.
It's because I can't.
Not in this life.
Because what is seen is temporary and I long for the eternal.

Why? How?

My mind and heart can't grasp the horror of what happend in Connecticut yesterday.  I know what it's like to lose a kindergartener, but I don't know what it's like to not be able to say goodbye.  I understand the evil of cancer.  I don't understand the evil in the hearts of men.  The numbness is a coping mechanism I suppose.  How else would I be able to go to the grocery store with visions of children being gunned down running through my head?  How else would I be able to cross things off my 'to do' list when my mind is screaming, "Why? How?"  As a society, we are all having a hard time coming to grips with something that before yesterday was unthinkable.

WHY?

Why do things like school shootings, mall shootings, theater shootings, and murder/suicides continue to happen?
I think they happen because when you take God out of the school, the work place, the government, and the entertainment industry, you take God out of people's daily lives.

Listen to some of the ways God is described in the Bible...

a refuge for the needy in his distress
a shelter from the storm
a source of strength
a stronghold in times of trouble
a father to the fatherless
God of all comfort
God of hope
God of love and peace
God who gives endurance and encouragement
the one who is able to keep you from falling
our shield
strong deliverer
a hiding place

If you take God out of people's lives, you take out all of those things.  Where can people find shelter from the storms in their lives?  Who will be a father to the fatherless?  Where can people hide?  Who will keep them from falling?  How can people live without hope and peace and love?
The answer is, they can't.
They turn on themselves and then they turn on others.

We have made it illegal to post, "Thou shalt not kill," on the walls of our schools.  Why did we think it was a good idea to stop teaching our students to honor their parents, to always tell the truth, to not steal,   to not have sex with someone who is not their spouse, and to be content with what they have? (Exodus ch. 20)  We stopped because those commandments are preceded by ones that say, "You shall have no other gods before me." "You shall not worship idols." "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God."  We stopped teaching God's commands because in our society we don't want to have to submit to any authority but our own.  We want to be free to worship football players, playboys, and presidents.  We want to use God's name as a curse instead of a blessing.  We don't want to allow anyone to acknowledge a higher power by praying in public.  We don't want anyone to tell us that pre-marital sex, abusing drugs and alcohol, bending the truth, abortion, pornography, or homosexuality is wrong.  We like doing those things.  We approve of those things.  We promote those things.  But prayer--no way.  A Bible on a teacher's desk--outrageous.  A Christian club meeting on campus--hateful.

HOW?

So how can we prevent something like this from happening again?
I heard one commentator say that we need more guns.  If other people at the school had guns, this wouldn't have happened.  Another person said the answer is fewer guns.  If it was harder to get a gun, this wouldn't have happened.  There are no answers from the media or the government or the 'talking heads' that will solve this problem.  1 Corinthians 3:19 says, the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight... The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.

There are two kinds of wisdom described in James chapter 3...

Jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom.  Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.  For wherever there is jealously and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

The wisdom of this world says to look out for yourself.  The wisdom of this world says it's okay to want what other people have.  The wisdom of this world says that if it makes you feel good, it's okay.  The wisdom of this world leads to disorder and evil of every kind.

But there is another kind of wisdom.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others.  It is full of mercy and good deeds.  It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.   

But the world says "No" to wisdom from above.  The world says "No" to wisdom that comes from submitting to a higher authority.  The world says "No" to wisdom that would require them to change.  The world clings to the empty life handed down from our ancestors.

It doesn't have to be this way.

God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors.  and the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver.  It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. (1 Peter 1:18-19)

We can make a choice to invite God to be our strength, our hope, our peace, and our strong tower by trusting in his wisdom and submitting to his authority.  Or we can continue to push God out of every school, work place, court room, legislature, sports arena, and theater by relying on the wisdom of man and submitting to no authority but our own.

We are Americans and we are free to choose.

Five years

Five years ago today I was holding my daughter while she died.  

I don't want to remember.

I don't want to forget.

It felt like I was in labor. 

Hours and hours of painful waiting.

Holding her in our bed.

My other children coming in to say goodbye.

Kissing her over and over.

Whispering love in her ear.

Crying out to God.

"I can't do this!"

Not believing that it was really happening.

Waiting for a miracle.

Waiting for death.

When it finally came there was sweet release.

It is finished.

Birthed from this life to the next.

For her

Freedom.

Restoration.

Redemption.

For me

Grief.

Loss.

Emptiness.

Learning to live without a part of myself was hard.

Is hard.

Do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  
What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 
Today I wait with hope.
I press on with perseverance.

I laugh.

I love.

I live.

And I remember.

(2Corinthians 4:18)