Anna Jane Salamy 5/29/02-11/25/07

As I look back through pictures of Anna I am AMAZED by her smile.  One day I was reading her the book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  When we finished, I asked her, "Have you ever had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day?"  She thought for a minute and said, "No."  I said, "Really? You can't think of one?"

"No."
This child had two liver transplants, multiple surgeries, and more chemo than I can count.  She spent months at a time in the hospital.  She was sick for half of her young life and she couldn't remember a bad day.
She continues to amaze me.
I think it's a terrible day when I have cramps.  I think it's horrible if I have to wait in line too long.  I think it's a no good day when someone doesn't return my phone call.  I think it's a very bad day if the air conditioner breaks down.
I think my daughter was a better person than me.
I know I am a better person because of her.

Lost and found

Will was sick on Monday and Tuesday last week.  On Wednesday he and his friend wanted to play with their ipods, but Will couldn't find his.  I wasn't too worried.  I thought it would turn up, but it didn't.  Not on Wednesday, not on Thursday, not on Friday.  Will was upset.  He had bought the ipod with his own money.  I didn't know where else to look and I didn't want to buy a new one.    On Saturday I wrote in my journal, Lord, please help me find Will's ipod.  You know where it is.  Show me.  Saturday night I woke up in the middle of the night and prayed again, Lord please help me find that ipod.  Show me where it is.  Then the thought came to me,  I should look in my purse.  So what did I do with this divine revelation?   I rolled over and went back to sleep.
The next morning my daily reading "happened" to be the 15th chapter of Luke which "happens" to contain three parables about finding what is lost.  The first parable was about the shepherd who had 99 sheep and went looking for the one that was lost.  He was so happy when he finally found it.

There is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven't strayed away!  (Luke15:7)

Those words always bothered me.  I thought they were kind of harsh if you are one of the 99 who weren't foolish enough to wander off.
The second parable was about a woman who lost one of her 10 coins and searched the whole house until she found it.  She was so happy that she called her neighbors in to rejoice with her.  (A rather strange reason to have a party.)  When I looked at that parable, I was able to understand that the coin that was lost didn't mean any more to her than the other coins.   They were probably identical.  What set that coin apart and the reason she cared so much, was its lostness.  It's the same with the sheep.  I'm sure those 100 sheep were practically identical.  It didn't matter which one was lost.  The shepherd would have gone after any one of them. There would have been equal rejoicing no matter which sheep or which coin had been lost.
I wrote in my journal,  The rejoicing is great whenever any lost are found.  then I added, (ie. the ipod touch)
Now I know that Jesus did not mean for those parables to apply to lost ipod touches.  I know he was talking about lost people.  But as I prayed again, Help me find that ipod.  Show me where to look,  I was prompted, Get up right now and go look in your purse.  So I got up, went downstairs and looked in my messy purse that I had been carrying around all week and there it was!
After I showed Richard that what was lost was found (Will was still asleep) I wrote in my journal, Thank you Lord for telling me where the ipod was!!! You are the God who sees! (Which is also what Hagar called God in Genesis 16:13).
When Will woke up I was able to show him how God had answered our prayer and we rejoiced together that what was lost was found!

Bittersweet day

Bittersweet: (def.) both pleasant and painful

Yesterday was Mothers Day and I had five reasons to celebrate-- both my mother and Richard's mother are alive and well and I have three healthy children.  I rejoice in my blessings!  I am very thankful for what I have, but something else I have is an empty chair.  It sits right next to mine at our table.   I suppose I could get rid of it, but I like to fill it with guests whenever possible so I leave it there.  Most days that chair does not bother me.  Most days I don't give it a second thought.  But on Mothers Day I see the empty chair and it makes me sad.  My sadness doesn't keep me from being happy for the chairs that are full.  I know that those too will be empty someday as my children grow up.
So on Mothers Day as I reflect on what was, what is, and what will be, I experience both pleasure and pain.
It's bittersweet.
It's life.

Will and Richard made strawberry french toast for breakfast

After church we had a picnic in the park...

and then headed over to the stadium to watch the Flying Squirrels play baseball.  

(Yes, this was MY idea.)

 After a token Sunday nap, we grilled steaks outside...

 and the best part was that I got to stay outside while everyone else did the dishes

(see Will in the window)

Those who still had room enjoyed ice-cream by the chiminea.

It was a good day.

Joy ahead

Yesterday someone asked me to talk to a friend whose daughter is dying.  This person told me that her friend didn't have anyone to talk to.  It reminded me of a night five years ago this month (seems like yesterday) when I didn't have anyone to talk to either.  We had just had the "There's nothing more we can do" talk with Anna's surgeon.  (Trust me, that is a conversation you never want to have with a doctor.)  Richard and I were still reeling from the news and were unable to help each other.  In my desperation, I reached out and called four different people in Oklahoma (we were in Delaware) and no one answered the phone.  I believe it was God's way of saying "Run to me and no one else.  I will comfort you."
But that dark night I couldn't even talk to God.  Earlier in the day I had confidently quoted Job and said, "Tho he slay me, yet will I trust him," but the truth is, I NEVER thought God would slay me.  I never thought my daughter would die.
Later I remembered a verse I wrote in my journal before she was born, when the doctor told us that the baby I was carrying might have Downs Syndrome.

'Why are you so angry?' The Lord asked...'Why do you look so dejected?  You will be accepted if you respond in the right way.  But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out!  Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it.' (Genesis 3:6-7)

5 1/2 years later I had to choose again to respond in the right way or I would be destroyed by my own grief.
I chose to trust that God was in control of the situation.
I chose to trust that he would fulfill his purpose for Anna--and for me.
I chose to trust that what I could see was temporary and what I could not see was eternal.
I have that same choice  today when I am faced with something that doesn't go my way.  Will I respond correctly or will I be destroyed by my sin?
When I talk so someone whose child has recently been diagnosed with cancer, one of the things I tell them is, "It's not all bad.  There is good.  Look for it."  When something tragic happens, you think that you will never be happy again.  It's not true.  We had some dark and painful times, but we also had some wonderful, blessed, never-trade-them-for-anything moments.
When someone dies, you feel certain you will never be happy again.  But that's not true either.
Because of the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2).  Because of the joy set before me, I too can endure the sufferings of this life--including my child's death.
But, Jesus didn't just come to give us eternal life someday.  He came so that we might have abundant life today.  For a long time after Anna died, the only thing I looked forward to was my own death.   Now I am looking forward to company coming this weekend, a date with my husband, a shopping trip with Audra, a family vacation, a nephew's wedding, and so much more.  It's not the life I planned, but it's a good life with good things.
If you are suffering, remember that there is joy ahead--in this life and in the one to come.

Happy Birthday to me!

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping with Audra.  I was looking for some sensible shoes--you know, the kind that go with everything.  

Instead I found these...

They are identical to a pair that Anna wore nearly every day.  (You can wear flip flops year-round in the hospital.)  Her feet never got any bigger so she never out grew them.  She wore them so much that one of the flowers fell off.  That didn't bother her, but after a while it bothered me so I pulled the other flower off so they would match.     Two weeks ago when I saw these on the shelf, I knew that I had to have them.  (And when it's your birthday month you are allowed to splurge a little.)  They aren't practical.  They don't match everything.  But they are my Anna shoes and they are perfect.

#1023. Lime green flip flops in my size

Two days ago I came home to a clean house.  I figured out that Richard must have come home on his lunch hour and cleaned while I was gone.  The perfect early birthday present...I thought.  Later, Will and I were home by ourselves when the doorbell rang.  Will went to get it and yelled, "Mom, Grammy's here!"  My sweet mother came all the way from Kansas to make omelettes and muffins for my birthday breakfast.  Thanks Mom!

#1024 Surprise visitors

After a quick trip to the orthodontist (for Audra) and a manicure (for me) it was off to Peter Chang's for lunch.  For a sweet-and-sour-chicken kind of girl, I think I did pretty good trying black mushrooms, bok choy, tofu, and whole garlic cloves.

#1025 Lunch with friends

"Slimy, but it didn't gag me" was what I said about the mushrooms.  

One of my friends said she would be sure to pass my compliments on to the chef.

#1026 Trying new things

Grateful for another year...

From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another. 
John 1:16

One year ago I made it my goal to notice what I have instead of what I don't have.
One year ago I began to look for the blessings that surround me every day.
One year ago I set out to be thankful... 1,000 times.

895. Sunday afternoon naps
901. My children, here, now
924. Having tea in a friend's kitchen
927. Eternal hope
928. Teenage boys being silly
937. A creek to explore
949. Surprise visitors from China
953. A new baseball team with new friends we haven't met yet
957. Digging deep in God's word
968. Warm towels from the dryer
970. Watching a movie at the Byrd theater
973. Planning a trip
977.Open doors and open windows
981. A family game of four-square
985. Walking and talking
989. Sunrise Easter services
991. Footprints in the sand
993.Cashiers who cover 13 cents when two boys are short on cash
995. The greeter at Walmart who calls out, "Bye love!" in a Scottish accent
996. Getting rid of stuff we don't need
998. Talking about Heaven
1,000. Counting my blessings

I am thankful that I have way more than 1,000 things to be thankful for!



What are you thankful for today?

Easter 2012

We started our Easter week with a Passover celebration.

Matzah, charoset, parsley, salt water, horseradish... a lot goes into the preparation.

Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, "Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover." (Luke 22:8)

The cup of sanctification...

Washing of hands...

Reading Exodus 12...when I see the blood, I will pass over you...

Ten drops to remember the ten plagues.

Eating the meal...

The cup of redemption...

I think the evening might have been too long for one of our guests... Wake up Erik, it's over!

Other images from Easter week...

Beautiful Easter azaleas in our front yard.

A lily of hope.

Do you ever get too old to dye eggs?

I don't think so.

We did something different this year and spent Easter weekend at the beach.  

Will and Audra didn't seem bothered by the cool temperatures.

Sunday morning we went to a sunrise service on the beach.  This is what it looked like when the service started.  Notice the full moon to the left of the bandstand.

This is what it looked like after the sun came up.

I love this picture of Audra.  If you look closely you can see a little sumo wrestler on the bike handle next to her.

We went to one of our favorite author's (Randy Singer) church for the 9am service.  AWESOME! 

Then we waited two hours for a table at Doc Taylor's.   While we were waiting, we walked back to our hotel and changed clothes so we really only sat on this bench for about 30 minutes.

Then it was back to the beach for baseball...

burying each other in the sand...

sleeping... 

and playing in the FREEZING water.

I don't have a picture of it, but while we were eating our Sweet Frog yogurt, a school of dolphins (at least 12) started frolicking in the water in front of us.  They were jumping out of the water and flipping their tails.  One of them was tossing a fish up in the air and catching it. SO COOL!  

Where were you when I said [to the sea]... 'This far you may come and no farther.  Here is where your proud waves halt'. (Job 38:11)

Early Monday morning I was sitting on the Boardwalk watching the waves with my Bible on my lap when a man walked by and said, "Psalm 93."  I smiled and said, "Thanks, I'll check it out." 

  The seas have lifted up, LORD, 
   the seas have lifted up their voice; 
   the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. 
 Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, 
   mightier than the breakers of the sea— 
   the LORD on high is mighty.

He is risen.  He is rised indeed!