What if?

What if you found out that you were the heir to a great inheritance and  all you had to do was travel to the benefactor's estate to claim your inheritance?  You would be so excited!  You would dream about the future.  You would live in joyful anticipation for what was ahead.  You would tell all your friends about your good fortune.

BUT what if your car broke down on the way there and you had to ride the bus?  Or walk? 
What if the road was long?  Or bumpy?  Or hot? 
What if your feet hurt? 

Would you cry over your broken car? 
Would you sit down and refuse to go any farther because it was too painful?
Would you give up and say "Forget it. It's too hard to get there.  It takes too long."
I don't think so.
If you knew what was waiting for you, you would do whatever it took to get there. 
You would think about what was ahead of you and not what you had to leave behind.
You would press on.
You would not quit.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:3-7)

I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:12-14)

To Him Who Overcomes

What are you hoping to find underneath the tree this Christmas?  Much more exciting that the gifts you will receive next week, is what the Bible says is in store for those who overcome.  So don't get discouraged by your circumstances today. And don't place your hope in the things of this world.
"I hope I get an ipad for Christmas."
"I hope I get married."
"I hope I have kids."
"I hope I get better."
"I hope I get that job."
"I hope I'll be rich."
"I hope I can go to Disneyworld."
All of those hopes are fleeting and fading.  Timothy Jones says that "We cannot live rightly until we aim past life.  Eternity provides the only goal that makes ultimate sense of our lives."
So make it your goal to overcome.

To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God. (Rev. 2:7)

He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death. (v.11)

To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna.  I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (v.17)

To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations... I will also give him  the morning star. (v.26,28)

He who overcomes will...be dressed in white.  I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels. (3:5)

Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God.  Never again will he leave it.  I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God...and I will also write on him my new name. (v.12)

To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. (v.21)

I may or may not get what I want for Christmas.  I may or may not get what I want in this lifetime.

But someday....
I will eat from the tree of life.
I will not hurt again.
I  will eat the bread of angels.
I will have a new name chosen by my creator.
I will have authority over the nations.
I will have the morning star.
I will be dressed in white.
I will be acknowledged before God and angels.
I will be a pillar in the temple of God and serve in his presence.

WOW!  I don't understand all of that.  It is beyond what I can imagine.   But I do know that I have something greater in store for me than the new winter coat and the Ginger Peach tea that I asked for.
And you have something greater in store for you too.
Keep going!
Don't quit!
Press on!
Overcome!

 

 

 

 

 

Early Anniversary

17 years ago...

Because we will be traveling on our anniversary, we decided to celebrate last weekend with dinner and a Christmas jazz concert.  Will's football coach had given me a $50 gift card to an Italian restaurant and I was saving it for a special occasion.  We had never been to this particular restaurant before, but I had visions of a romantic Italian feast.  When we got there, we found out it was a take out pizza place.   The only tables were outside and it was snowing.  We laughed and drove down the street to another Italian restaurant.  This one had tables indoors!  We will definitely use the gift card for our next family pizza night.

Lost Trust?

On February 21, 2005  I wrote this verse in my journal.

Jesus said, 'Don't be afraid.  Just trust me.' (Mark 5:36)

 When I read those words, I could picture myself in Jairus' place, panicking because my daughter was dying.  When Jesus spoke to him, I'm sure he was looking Jairus right in the eye, and perhaps even holding his face in his hands.

 "Trust me." 

Three days later when we received the news that Anna had cancer I went back in my journal to see how God had prepared me for what was ahead.  Before I ever knew that my daughter's life was in danger, God had told me, "Don't be afraid.  Just trust me."  He had given me the words I needed to get through those early days.  They became my mantra,

"Don't be afraid.  Just trust me.  Don't be afraid.  Just trust me."  

While we were still in the hospital, I was telling our pastor and his wife about God giving me that verse before I knew I needed it.  The next day Liz brought me a ring.  It was a thin silver band with the word "Trust" engraved on it.  I put it on and never took it off.  I remember one night in the hospital I was laying in bed in the dark--afraid and crying.  I put my hands over my face and I felt something hard.  It was my new ring.

"Don't be afraid.  Just trust me." 

 I wish God had said, "Don't be afraid.  Just trust me and she will be okay."  He didn't.  He just said, "Trust me."
I don't have to like what has happened.  I just have to trust.
I don't have to be happy.  I just have to trust.
I don't have to know the answers to my questions.  I just have to trust.
I've worn that ring every day since February 2005.  It's been a constant reminder of how I am to respond in each and every circumstance.  
I never took it off, but today it's gone.  I was making meatballs this weekend so I'm guessing it fell off then.  When I told Richard what had happened, he wanted to chop up all the meatballs.  I said, "You are not chopping up all of these meatballs.  We'll just tell the kids to be careful when they bite down."  We didn't find the ring in the meatballs (although there are still a few more to go.)
The ring was special to me.  I would have never taken it off, but it's okay that it's gone.  Those words are written on my heart and I don't need the ring to remember to trust.

Another Anniversary

We made it through another anniversary.  It wasn't terrible.  I think the anticipation was much worse than the actual day.  On Sunday morning I woke up, looked around and thought, "It's okay.  No one is dying here today."
A few weeks ago I was listening to one of the songs we sang at Anna's funeral.  For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to sing that song  on the anniversary of her death.  So I emailed the music director and explained our situation and asked if she could lead everyone in singing 'We Will Dance'.  I also mentioned that I would be willing to say a few words if she wanted me to.  Well, that sounded like a good idea at the time, but it caused quite a bit of additional stress this month as I thought about what to say.  It turned out to be a good way for me to honor Anna's memory--even if I ended choking up and crying in front of everyone.  Hopefully people could understand what I was saying!  It was important for me to tell our new church family what had happened to us and then point them to the hope that we have.  Here's part of what I said...

3 years ago today our family walked through the valley of the shadow of death when our 5 year old daughter died of cancer.  It didn’t make any sense to us.  Why would God  create a child to live 5 years. . .or another to live 5 minutes?  Why would he create me or you to live 60, 70, or 80 years?  The answer is, He didn’t.  He created us for eternity.

3 years ago today I asked God how I was supposed to go on living because the pain was so great, it felt like I couldn’t.  His answer came quickly.  He said, “Do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  I couldn’t see my daughter, so I knew she was now eternal and that everything I could see was temporary—including my pain.

We are not made for this world.  We are told over and over again in scripture that we are to live as strangers and aliens here.  Maybe you had a lot to be thankful for this week.  Maybe you didn’t.  Whatever your situation is right now—good or bad, it is only temporary.  We were made for more than this life.

After church  there was a bag of gifts sitting on our car.  The card said, "Salamy Family-- Please accept these gifts from those who have been inspired by you."  We each had something to open  at lunch.  We could tell that they were from someone who knew us.  Mine included a butterfly ornament and a journal.  Will could not understand why someone would give us something anonymously.  I tried to explain how much fun it is to give in secret.  He said, "But how can you thank them if you don't know who it is?"  I told him I would tell other people what had happened and write about it on my blog and hopefully whoever did it would hear how much we loved our surprise gifts.

Richard and I ended the day by watching the video of Anna's Celebration Service.  It was the first time he had seen it and I had only seen it once.  There were a lot of tears, but it was good for us to do.  There are still certain things we avoid because we know they will cause pain, but when we do face them, it brings a little more healing.
We did another thing for the first time this weekend.  We had our family portrait made.  Three years ago as we were leaving the cemetery, my friend Shelley took the first picture of our "new" family. It made me sick to my stomach.  I didn't want any pictures of our broken family.  I didn't want any pictures without Anna.  If you look around my house, you will see that all of the pictures are old.  It has taken me three years to be able to accept the new look of our family.  When we went to the studio Friday there was a lot of laughter... and a little bit of healing.

A Perfect Day

This is a difficult time of year for me.  All month long I have struggled to find ONE thing to be thankful for each day.  Some days it was late at night before I thought of something.
My friends have been so kind to send cards and emails to tell me they were praying for me and that they were so sorry that the anniversary of Anna's death was on Thanksgiving Day.  On Wednesday night I was tempted to relive Anna's last night, but I told Richard, "I'm not going to do it.  I'm not going to ruin Thanksgiving.  Anna did not die on Thursday.  I don't care about the date.  She died the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I'm tired of grieving the whole week.  I will grieve on Sunday."  Well, you can't really schedule your grief, and yesterday could have been a really bad day.  Instead it was a great day.  Here's my recipe.

Recipe for a perfect Thanksgiving Day...

Take one perfect fall day

A fourteen year-old potato peeler (they get better with age)

An early morning turkey prep-partner (it's impossible to get those turkey's legs out of the metal clamp without help)

One small rabbit (rare)

A large pile of leaves and two kids

A clean house and a Macy's parade

A little turkey drama (make sure that the thermometer is not on a bone or the temperature will never reach 170 degrees)

A perfect bird (even though the "thing" never popped out)

Three turkey carvers
One...

Two... (your potato peeler can also double as a turkey carver)

Three (to make your guests feel at home, put them to work)

Add a few more kids

Too much food

More leaves

Lots of whipped cream

Family

Fire outside in the chiminea

And friends--including a couple of new ones from Qatar who have never tasted turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole or pumpkin pie

It was a very good day.

This poem was in my devotional book on November 24, 2007 (the day before Anna died.)

The love of God a perfect plan
Is planning now for thee,
It holds "a future and a hope,"
Which yet thou canst not see.


Though for a season, in the dark,
He asks they perfect trust,
E'en that thou in surrender "lay
Thy treasure in the dust,"


Yet He is planning all the while,
Unerringly He guides
The life of him, who holds His will
More dear than all besides.


Trust were not trust if thou couldest see
The ending of the way,
Nor couldst thou learn His songs by night,
Were life one radiant day.


Amid the shadows here He works
The plan designed above,
"A future and a hope" for thee
In His exceeding love.


"A future"--of abiding fruit,
With loving kindness crowned;
"A hope"--which shall thine own transcend,
As Heaven the earth around.


Though veiled as yet, one day thine eyes
Shall see His plan unfold,
And clouds that darkened once the path
Shall shine with Heaven's gold.


Enriched to all eternity
The steadfast soul shall stand,
That, "unoffended," trusted Him
Who all life's pathway planned.


(Freda Hanbury Allen)