Cheer Up

Oh my, I sounded down in that last post didn't I?  That's what I get for writing in a quiet house.  I'm not having that problem at the moment.  Right now I am "cracking my whip" to try to get Jacob to do some of the 5 days of homework that he missed.  I don't think he realizes the magnitude of the situation...then again maybe he has the right perspective and I am blowing the whole thing out of proportion.  We also have a new friend spending the weekend with us while his parents are out of town so I've got to supervise his homework, project, and violin practicing as well.
Tonight we are headed to the nursing home across the street for trunk or treat, then to the pumpkin festival tomorrow morning, then our new friend's ball game, then a fall festival tomorrow night.  You see, my life is FULL of all sorts of things.  (And I'm scheduled to work three days next week!)

Still here

Jacob and I are still home.  I am THANKFUL that he is getting better and his fever is gone this morning, but  I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to back out of my commitment to work TWICE this week.  I HATE disappointing people and not doing what I said I would do.  When Anna was sick, I  stopped saying I would do anything.  I made no promises.  I made no plans.  I didn't sign up for ANYTHING.  It was an adjustment, but it was good.  Now I am back to doing things and I am taken by surprise when something happens to interrupt my plans.  I don't mind changing my plans, but since I am by nature a people pleaser, it really bothers me to inconvenience someone else.  Ugh!

Don't join the club
I was reading a blog last night written by a woman whose baby died of SIDS.  She describes the "club" of which we are members.  As you have read my story, you know that my life is full of laughter, new experiences, encouragement, love, and joy.  It is also full of the things she describes.  A new friend asked me the other day, "What does it feel like now?  Does it hurt everyday?"  I told her,  "No, it doesn't hurt everyday, but when the pain comes, it hurts just as much as it did the first day."  I know that the pain will come and go throughout my lifetime.  I can choose to live with it or to die with it.

We only fit into one club right now.....the club NO parent ever wants to be in. But, by reasons beyond our control, we are now in the Bereaved Parents club, and I hate it every day. I imagine Club sign-ups....all the lists of clubs and the lines waiting to be signed. All the sheets are filled up, except one - no one wants to be in that club. So, members are chosen at random, without being asked, and that's how we've ended up here, in this club. This is a club of brokenness, tears, suffering, pain, isolation, loneliness, anger, bitterness, and longing. When you're in this club, you have no choice. You've entered into a lifetime membership.....

This is just hard. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask to be a member of this club. But, I'm here...and I'm trying to do as well as I possibly can with it.

Back to work....NOT

Today was supposed to be my first day of work, but Jacob didn't think it was fair that his brother and sister got to miss school and he didn't, so he decided to spike a fever and stay home.  Richard took him to the clinic last night to get tested for the flu and he was one of the very few who did NOT test positive.  The doctor says it's just a virus.  Jacob still feels pretty crummy no matter what you call it.   I am scheduled to work again on Friday.  Hopefully it won't be my turn to sick then!
Taking care of sick kids turns my thoughts towards Anna.  When I think of how she suffered, I can't stand it.  So I try not to think about it.  The second anniversary of her death is a month away and I try not to think about that either.  I'm hoping Thanksgiving won't be quite as bad as last year.  I can't escape the memories, but I can replace them with better ones.

Morning glory...

I went for a walk this morning while Jacob was still asleep and this is what I saw...

I am red/green color blind, but even I can see this.  I wonder what new colors will be in Heaven?  I can't even imagine!

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
Psalm 145:5

He continues to lead me beside still waters and restore my soul.

You will show me the path of life,
      granting me the joy of your presence
      and the pleasures of living with you forever.
Psalm 16:11

Eye Candy

 Today while we were driving around doing errands, Audra asked me why I was taking pictures.  I said, "Because I'm from Oklahoma, that's why!"  It is BEAUTIFUL here!   Growing up in the midwest,  I had seen a red tree, a yellow tree, an orange tree, but I never saw them all together and HUGE.  I still haven't managed to capture the beauty on film, but I will give you a taste of what we are seeing here.

This one isn't that great, but since I risked life and limb taking it while making a left turn I thought I should include it.

Down the street.

This beauty is in the parking lot of the assisted living center around the corner.

In the Sam's parking lot.

This is the playground at the park across the street.  Notice the leaf falling in midair!  The white dots are raindrops.

Jacob playing--this was before we were caught in a deluge and got soaking wet.

Trying to stay dry under the trees.  It was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon, but the storm made it dark.

Will striking a pose.

Audra trying to get her rain bonnet off before I take the picture!
Is she being attacked by a snake?????

God's beautiful world.

Goodwill hunting.

One of our errands today was to find halloween costumes.  It's one of my least favorite things to do.  Oh, I don't mind visiting the neighbors and getting candy, but I hate the costume process.  I suggested that we check Goodwill to see if they had anything.  When we walked in, Audra said, "Well, you see the problem is that I don't know what I want to be."  I told her that you don't go to Goodwill knowing what you want to be.  You go in to see what you can be.

Well JACKPOT!  She found a pair of crutches for $8 so now she is going to wrap herself in bandages and go as  someone with a broken leg, arm, head....whatever.  It's perfect because she and Will have ALWAYS wanted crutches so it's not just a costume, it's a toy too!

Mark your calendars...

One month from today is the second annual Anna Salamy Memorial Blood Drive.  It will be held at at Northwest Baptist Church in Oklahoma City from 2 to 7pm.  Come join the fun of giving blood!  Last year the OBI  folks were caught off-guard by the large number of donors.  This year we are having it in the gym so there will be more beds and people can get in and out faster.   I was afraid I would have to cancel the drive when we moved, but I have a WONDERFUL group of friends who have stepped in and taken over.  I just reserved my plane ticket last night so that I can fly in for the event.  Yea!  (Thanks to my friend Shelley who help fund the ticket by buying my refrigerator :-)   Please mark the date on your calendar and tell your friends.  See you there!

Deja vu

Audra was sick last week and today Will has a fever.  I took him to a "quick" clinic where we waited two hours with a roomful of sick people.  There were NO empty chairs, but plenty of face masks and hand sanitizer.  Will was miserable.  He tested negative for strep and flu, but the doctor recommended treating him for both.  Either way, we will be spending the rest of the week at home.  I'm supposed to start my substitute teaching job on Monday so hopefully everyone will be well--or else they will have to find a sub for the sub!

Apples of Gold

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."  (Prov. 25:11)
How beautiful it is to speak the right words at the right time.
Lord, let my conversation always be full of grace. May I build up and encourage and not tear down.  Help me be brave enough to be real.  May I love enough to speak the truth and then listen.  Let my speech bring honor to you.

Worm Cakes

Audra has been home sick for three days, but tonight she will have been fever free for 24 hours--just in time for the school carnival.  The kids can't wait because they are going to have a REAL cake walk.  I took my cake in this morning and set it among the other beautifully decorated cakes.  I went for the 3rd grade boys popular vote and made a cake covered with dirt (cookie crumbs) and gummy worms.  I hope it's not the last one chosen!