Pressing On

The Gift of Forgiveness

2012-01-27T12:37:00.000-05:00

Lord, do I have to write about that? It's so embarrassing and it makes me look bad. Can't you give me something else to write... Nothing? Okay, here goes...

God taught me a lesson last week about forgiveness. One of the great calling cards of Christendom has always been, "Come to Jesus and find forgiveness of sin." Hmmm...that's nice, but I think I'll come to Jesus for comfort and guidance. I don't really have a big need for forgiveness. I mean, it's nice that he died for my sins and all, but wasn't that a little extreme? Did I really need that?
If you've never felt guilty then you probably have wondered why God made such a big deal over having Jesus take the punishment for your sins. I remember as a kid being taught that I should pray prayers of confession. So I would try to think of something to confess. Sometimes I would just mutter the standby phrase "forgive me when I fail Thee." I figured that would cover whatever it was that I had done, but didn't really feel guilty about. I certainly never felt like I deserved death which is what the Bible says is the wages of sin. That was until one day when I saw myself the way God sees me....ugh! I could fool others and even fool myself, but I wasn't fooling God. He saw my heart and it wasn't pretty. After that revelation, I learned to appreciate the gift of forgiveness. But something happened recently that reminded me again of how HUGE it is to be guilt free.
Last week I heard that our friend Betty was dying. Even though I hadn't seen her in months, I thought I should do something to help. I offered to do anything that was needed and her husband graciously invited me to vacuum. I approached their house with a bit of fear and trembling, but they were gracious and kind. Matt showed me how to use the fancy vacuum system and then went upstairs to take care of Betty. I thought I should dust before I vacuumed so I started with the mantle. I picked up a picture, took one swipe...and knocked a little bird to the floor... oh no.
I was there to help and to be a comfort and I broke something. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to bother them. I didn't want to upset them. I didn't want to add anything to what they were already dealing with. But I think most of all, I didn't want them to regret letting me come over.
So I put the little bird and its beak on a shelf... in the closet... and closed the door. I hid my sin.
Maybe I thought I would find some glue while I was cleaning and I could fix it. Or maybe I thought that no one would ever find it there and that someday I could bring some glue when I came back. Or maybe I thought it would just go away. Whatever I was thinking, it was wrong. You can hide your mistakes and your broken pieces from the rest of the world, but what you are left with is guilt.
I finished cleaning the house and had a wonderful visit with our friends, but it was tainted by guilt. I KNEW that I wasn't as great as other people thought I was. I knew I wasn't as great as I thought I was. The longer I kept my secret, the bigger it became until it was HUGE in my mind. I knew that they would think I was a terrible person--not just for breaking something, accidents happen--but for HIDING it. I couldn't even tell Richard what I had done because I was so ashamed.
SHAME.
GUILT.
Have you ever felt those things? Do you feel those things today when you think about the broken pieces you have hidden in your closet? Did you know you can be free from those chains? Do you know how? I knew what I had to do. I admitted my guilt via email. Whew! Just the confession felt good, but would I be forgiven?
Here is the response I got...

Dear Marlo

Please do not be concerned about the bird. I completely understand, and we do not place any real value on things. I will glue it and no one other than you and me and God will ever know :-) You blessed our socks off! I am so sorry that you spent even a few moments burdened by this. Please do not think of it further. That kind of thing happens fairly often when we have groups over, it is part of the joy of sharing His home... We love you and are so blessed to know and enjoy being with you--so if you want to come back please do! No need to bring glue :-)

Matt

Oh blessed forgiveness. What a gift we have that we can approach the throne of a holy God with pure hearts--not because we have never sinned, but because we have been forgiven. If you bring them to him, God can take those broken pieces that you have hidden away and make them into something beautiful--something that he can use.

I know because that's what he did for me.

One Day at a Time

2012-01-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

This weekend Audra got out the baby books. They brought back memories of a happy time in my life. I loved when my kids were little. I loved being able to put them all in the bathtub together. I loved laying next to them while they fell asleep. I loved carrying them on my hip.
But those days are gone.
Today they take showers--long showers by themselves. Today I get a goodnight kiss, but no one needs me to stay in their room to ward off the bad guys. Today they are too big to be carried.
I started reading Jacob's book and all of the cute things that he used to do and say. For example, when he was 4 we saw a funeral procession. I was driving so I pulled the car over and explained what was going on. When I pointed out the hearse that was carrying the body of the person who had died, Jacob said, "Why didn't that person go to heaven?" I told him that when you die, your body doesn't go to heaven. He thought about that for a minute and then exclaimed, "You mean just your HEAD goes?!" Smile.
I haven't written in his book in a long time, because burping and playing loud music isn't as "cute" as shooting pretend arrows with a clothes hanger while wearing underoos and cowboy boots. But as I was watching Jacob sit on the couch and play his banjo, I thought, "This is a happy time too."
How did we go from playing with a flyswatter to playing a banjo?
From wearing a super hero cape to wearing skinny jeans?
From playing in the dirt to photography?
From eating "kie-coos" (cookies) to making crepes?
How did it happen? It seems like a long time ago and yet seems like it was yesterday. All of those years, and all of those changes--from baby, to boy, to teenager--happened one day at a time. I realized as I watched him that today was going to pass into tomorrow and into the day after that and into next year and then one day he would be a grown man.
One day at a time.
So I am determined not to spend my time missing the boy he was, but enjoying the young man that he is. Because tomorrow he will be different--maybe not enough so that I can see it--but not the same as he is today.

Lord, our lives are made up of years and our years are made up of days. Each day is important. Each day is a gift. Help me to make the most of this day.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2012-01-11T11:19:00.002-05:00

I wasn't dreaming of a white Christmas

2012-01-03T13:05:00.000-05:00

Early Christmas morning I woke upafter having a very vivid dream. In the dream, I was at a crowded event waiting to hear a speaker when Ilooked out a large window and saw lightning in the distance. It wasn’t normal lightning. It was coming straight down from thesky to the earth--again and again. I rushed to the window with several others to see what was goingon. As I kept watching, I saw tallbuildings start collapsing. At onepoint I was close enough to see the faces of two women who were being crushedbetween two buildings that had fallen towards each other. All I could do was watch.

Then I woke up.

It was a strange dream to have onChristmas morning, but I probably wouldn’t have thought much about it exceptfor what happened next. After my shower,I opened my One Year Bible to the daily reading for December 25. It included Revelation chapter 16 whichsays in part,

“Then the seventh angel pouredout his bowl into the air. And amighty shout came from the throne in the temple saying, ‘It is finished!’ Then the thunder crashed and rolled, andlightning flashed. And a great earthquake struck—the worstsince people were placed on the earth. The great city of Babylon split into three sections and the cities ofmany nations fell into heaps of rubble.”

I know it sounds crazy, but I sawit and then I read it. Idressed quickly and went downstairs to tell Richard what had happened. Death and destruction are not your typical Christmas conversations. We had presents to open, a ham to cook, and fun thingsto do. Besides, the sky was clearand the ground was steady so I after telling Richard, I just wrote everything down in my journal.

The next day when I had time tothink about what had happened, I wrote this,

“Wow God! You let me see thatbefore I read it—the lightning and the buildings falling. It’s a vivid reminder that we will haveto face your wrath someday. Youwill not let sin go unpunished. Showme how to help those women in my dream before the end comes and it’s too late.”

I’m not a prophet. I don’t claim to know when the end ofthe world will come. I don’t even anticipateit happening in my lifetime. But Ido know that an end WILL come. Everything we can see is temporary. It is all passing away.

What is seen is temporary. What is unseen is eternal. (2Corinthians 4:18)

This earth will not lastforever. It will wear out justlike my favorite jeans, but Jesus Christ remains the same yesterday, today, andforever (Hebrews 13:8).

The earth will wear out like agarment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness willnever fail. (Isaiah 51:6)

You (Lord) will roll (theheavens) up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same and your yearswill never end. (Hebrews 1:12)

(Heaven and earth) will allwear out like a garment. Likeclothing you (Lord) will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your yearswill never end. (Psalm 102:26-27)

So where am I going to place my faith?

In my house that is falling apart?

In my bank account that is dwindling?

In my husband and children who are mortal?

In my friends who come and go?

What is there in this world that I can cling to wheneverything is falling apart?

Nothing.

Nothing in this world.

There is only One who never fails.

Only One who never changes.

Only One who never ends.

On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground issinking sand.

And maybe… just maybe, God showed me what he did so that Iwould tell you that.

Christmas Thanksgivings

2011-12-19T08:18:00.000-05:00

One of the best things I've done this year is start a list of 1,000 things I'm thankful for. Here are a few things from my list this month...

The smell of fresh cut Christmas trees

Christmas lights reflected in the window

Making gingerbread houses with friends

Drinking hot chocolate and watching "Elf" outside with the neighbors

A daddy/daughter dance date

A Baylor Heisman winner who gives credit to God

Moms who pray for their kids' teachers and then take them cookies

Having a cup of tea at the Jefferson Hotel while watching Audra sing

Watching Will and his friends sing Christmas carols at the Jingle Bell Run

Boys sleeping under the Christmas tree

Ice skating outside

Celebrating 18 years of marriage

722. A crisp, quiet morning

723. A cup of tea and my Bible

728. God's grace measured in proportion to my need

731. A shoulder to cry on

741. Un-rushed family dinners

744. Package deliveries

745. A date with my daughter

749. Reading a book by the fire

750. Flannel sheets

752. Someone saving me a seat

753. A new friend who dreamed we were moving--and cried!

756. Christmas cards in the mail

758. Pumpkin bread ready to be delivered to the neighbors

760. Finding the perfect gift

761. Sharing the comfort I've received

768. Having tea in a friend's kitchen

770. Frosted sugar cookies

780. Newborn baby bundles

788. Seeing someone I know when I'm out Christmas shopping

791. Dinner by the fireplace

794. Arms full of Christmas goodies from friends at church

I have so many good things to be thankful for!

But last week I put something on the list that wasn't so good, but I was trying to "Give thanks in all things."

767. A broken retainer

I didn't feel like giving thanks for that, but I did out of obedience. ("I don't know why, but thank you Lord for broken retainers.")

Somehow Will's retainer was on the floor and somehow Richard stepped on it. We had just been to the orthodontist the day before. I was not happy with how Will's teeth were looking and I did not want to spend $200 for a new retainer. I was grumpy, grouchy, and not happy or thankful, but I gave thanks anyway. Hmpff! A couple of days later I took Will back to the orthodontist to get fitted for a new retainer. I was getting my teeth cleaned on the other side of the building so I left him in the waiting area with a note for the doctor. In the note I might possibly have mentioned that when I first saw Will after he got his braces off I thought he was wearing "those fake teeth you wear at Halloween," but I said it in a very nice way and I signed it "weary mother of three kids with braces". After reading the note, the doctor came and found me and thanked me for writing it and telling him what I was thinking. He assured me that this was only the first phase of Will's treatment and that his teeth would look better when it's all over (in a few years). Then he said that he looked at the broken retainer pieces I had included with the note and that it shouldn't have broken like that. (You mean Richard should be able to step on them?) He said this new retainer would be "on him". Whoo-hoo!!!!

I gave thanks for a not-good thing and God changed it into a blessing. Does that always happen? Well, I don't always get free retainers, but I do think that if we thank God for the good things AND the bad things, we will always be blessed.

Merry CHRISTmas!!!!!

Joseph's Choice

2011-12-07T17:44:00.001-05:00

When Joseph was confronted with a pregnant fiancee, he had a choice to make. He could choose scorn, shame, and an uncertain future, or he could quietly break his marriage agreement and walk away. Marrying a woman impregnated by God was not what he expected. It wasn't the respectable, uncomplicated life he had imagined. But think of what he would have missed out on if he had rejected God's plan for his life because he thought what God was asking him to do was too hard.
He would have missed out on the nativity.
He would have missed out on hearing the testimony of the shepherds.
He would have missed out on the visit from the wise men.
He would have missed out on holding the promised Messiah in his arms.
He would have missed out on taking the son of God to house of God.
He would have missed out on being the earthly father of the eternal King.
Joseph accepted God's will, as difficult as it was, and was blessed by it.

Like Joseph, we all are confronted with life's interruptions. Unlike Joseph, most of us aren't given a choice. We are forced to learn to live a life we never imagined. And we think what God is asking us to do is too hard. We may not get to choose our circumstances, but we do get to choose how we respond to them. Will we accept God's will for our life even if it's not what we want--even if it seems too hard?

The prophet Ezekiel describes an encounter he had with the Lord. God told him, "Open your mouth and eat what I give you." Then Ezekiel saw a hand reaching out to him. It held a scroll covered with funeral songs, other words of sorrow, and pronouncements of doom. Then a voice said, "Eat what I am giving you." So Ezekiel opened his mouth and ate it and it tasted as sweet as honey.

God interrupted my life and what he gave me to eat was lament, mourning, and woe. At first all I could taste was bitterness. But as I ate it; as I lived it; as I accepted it from God's hand--those things that I thought could only bring pain and sorrow have brought wisdom, perspective, purpose and strength. Those events that appeared tragic and unable to be redeemed, have now become the sweetest part of me. I trust that, like Joseph, God has a plan for my life. And so I will continue to say, "Yes" to God and eat what he gives me.
Because I don't want to miss out on anything.

Prescription for grief...

2011-11-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because Anna died the Sunday after Thanksgiving, we like to do something special to remember her on that day. Last year I ~~spoke~~ cried in front of everyone at church. This year we were a little more subtle, although Richard did wear his butterfly tie.

After church we went out to eat enchiladas.

In 2007 when I carried Anna to the table filled with our Thanksgiving feast, she took one look and said, "Why can't we have enchiladas?"

After lunch we went to Hollywood...Hollywood Cemetery that is.

Since college, I have enjoyed walking around cemeteries.

It's very peaceful and reflective.

This was one we had been wanting to visit and it seemed like a good day.

This tombstone reads "Virginia Johnson Pegram. Who died in the seventy eighth year of her age; and who for the sake of the living, had borne nobly her grief for the dead." I found a stone nearby with the names of her husband and son who were apparently killed in the Civil War.

Borne nobly her grief

I hope that can be said about me.

Here's another monument to a son who died at the age of 29. Obviously the figure is of a grieving parent. The inscription says, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." (from 2 Samuel 12:23)

This was one of my favorites. Of James T. Gray it say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Of his wife Elizabeth it says, "She hath done what she could."

I don't want to end my life on this earth with a "Well, you did what you could."

I want a hearty, "Well done!"

We also saw the graves of John Tyler, James Monroe, and Jefferson Davis. Will wanted to see the graves of some movie stars (Hollywood Cemetery), but this was the best we could do.

Jacob enjoyed taking pictures of the monuments and I enjoyed taking pictures of Jacob. I like this one because he is not making a weird face. Of course you can't see his face, but I think the picture somehow captures him.

There was a beautiful chapel/mausoleum overlooking the James River.

I had to set the camera on a bench and use the timer because I didn't want to ask anyone for help. Some people might think we were strange for taking family photos at the cemetery.

Later that night, after leading our GriefShare group, we went home and signed up to sponsor a girl in Ecuador through Compassion International.

SO, my prescription for grief is...

go to church,

think about how short life really is,

help someone else,

and eat enchiladas.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-28T08:33:00.001-05:00

I can't let you feel sorry for me thinking I was sad all weekend. Thursday was a perfect Thanksgiving Day. It was full of food, friends, and laughter.

It started the day before. I was thankful for all of the help I received. It was so much fun to get ready for the big day. Well, I had fun. It doesn't look like Audra was having too much fun.

A couple of early birds :-)

Even though I put the turkey in the refrigerator on Saturday, it was still frozen on the inside. Richard saved the day and helped me get it in the oven in time.

I know some of you make "real" deal, but one year my sister was in the hospital on Thanksgiving Day (because she broke her leg skydiving) and the rest of us went to a friends house for dinner. Later, when we took my sister a plate of food, she burst out crying because there wasn't any canned cranberry sauce. It's been a family tradition ever since.

It's not enough just to be thankful. It's important to know who to thank. Everyone had a verse to share.

I even invited a friend for Buttons. I just forgot to tell Richard. Putting a male and a female bunny together was both entertaining and educational.

I love having a table full of people!

After dinner it was time for Thanksgiving tattoos.

Audra gave me a butterfly.

Don't worry, it's just temporary!

See the girl in the bottom left of this photo? That's Letha. I was her teacher for two years in Kisumu, Kenya. Now she is a grown-up and I'm a grown-up so we are the same age--weird how that happens!

This is what was left of the pecan/chocolate chip pie that Jacob made. I didn't get a picture of Audra's oreo pie, but it was good too.

I am thankful for such a good day.

Black Friday

2011-11-26T07:36:00.001-05:00

Four years ago, Black Friday took on a new meaning for me. It used to be a day of shopping and excitement. Yesterday I cried on my morning walk. I cried on Richard's shoulder. I avoided putting up Christmas decorations and then got mad at Will for getting everything out of the attic. I took a nap and didn't want to get out of bed. I went to see Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller, but didn't laugh. I got through the day, but not well.
The memories are too painful to remember, but too important to forget. I can choose to allow my memories to crush me or to remind me that this world is not my home. What I need to do on Black Friday is renew my commitment to stay changed by my experience.
When the world says, "Hurry! Buy! You need this! You want this! You won't have a good Christmas without this!" I can refuse to get caught up in the frenzy of temporary things and remember that the important things are things I can't buy, can't see, and can't wrap. Instead of watching the commercials and reading the advertisements I can read God's word and refuse to be distracted by the things of this world.

Yesterday I read in 1 Peter that since Christ suffered, we need to be prepared to suffer as well. And that he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. After you have suffered, "You won't spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God." (4:2) Staying changed is hard. It's easy to go back to chasing my own desires. It's easy to self-medicate my pain with food, activity, or more stuff. It's my nature. But for me Black Friday is not a day to get more stuff, to eat too much, or to distract myself with frenzied activity. It is a reminder to focus on the unseen eternal and press on.

The best part of my day yesterday was when the kids showed me the butterflies that someone had put on our bushes (and on this candy cane). I can think of a handful of people in Oklahoma who would do something like that, but I didn't know I had friends like that in Virginia. I am thankful.

In everything give thanks...

2011-11-23T08:44:00.001-05:00

I am thankful that 1 Thessalonians 5:18 doesn't say I have to be thankful for all things, but it does say that I need to be thankful in all things.
There are times in life when being thankful is easy. I wake up and hear the birds singing and I'm thankful. I kiss my children awake and I'm thankful. I spend time with friends and I'm thankful. I snuggle on the couch with my husband and I'm thankful.
There are times in life when being thankful is hard. It's hard to be thankful when you are lonely. It's hard to be thankful when you can't have what you want. It's hard to be thankful when you feel sick or tired. But if God says to be thankful in all things, there must be things to be thankful for even in the hard times.
When Anna was sick, I still had things to be thankful for.
I can remember one really bad night when I was curled up with her in the hospital bed--worn out, without hope, and crying. A nurse came in and stood with me and rubbed my back.
I was not alone and I was thankful.
Another time I remember asking God to provide for my physical needs. Later that day I went down to the cafeteria and the person in front of me had extra money on her meal ticket so she paid for my lunch.
I was not alone and I was thankful.
When Anna was first admitted to the children's hospital, I was exploring the oncology hall and found a playroom. It was old and hardly had any toys, but there was a cabinet in the corner with VCR tapes. Most of the tapes were old Barney episodes or Disney movies, but one of them happened to be my favorite movie--a 1970's Barbara Streisand film. It's not a kids movie. You can't even find a copy in stores, but it was there.
I was not alone, and I was thankful.
You see, even in the darkest times, God is there with us. He can reach out in any way he chooses--a pat on the back, a stranger buying your lunch, or even sending your favorite movie--to remind you that you are not alone.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there...
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:7-8,11-12)

There is no place you can go that he is not there. There is no darkness that is too dark for him.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...you are with me. Psalm 23:4
When you are in that dark place, look for him. And when you see evidence of him
--in the kindness of strangers,
--in the change of seasons,
--in unexpected blessings,
be thankful.

Blood Drive

2011-11-14T08:01:00.001-05:00

Anna Salamy

Memorial Blood Drive

November 16, 2011

4-8pm

Northwest Baptist Church

Oklahoma City, OK

Donors will receive their choice of OU or OSU T-shirts and a barbecue dinner.

(Come for the blood. Stay for the barbecue.)

Not Home Yet

2011-11-07T09:41:00.000-05:00

This is part of a letter written by a mom to the daughter she lost 11 years ago. ( I don't know the name of the author, but the daughter's name was Samantha Faith.) It made me look at my loss in a new way...

It isn't that you have missed the life we feel you should have had, you are living the life you were meant to have. It is not you that is missing from where we are, it is us that are missing from where you are. You've achieved the dream I pray for all my children; for their lives to lead them Home. This was the way it was meant to be all along, but somehow, along the way, we made up our minds that parents need to get there first... even though Jesus clearly said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14) Oh how foolish I have been in not letting you go.

Maybe it's not what we wanted at first, but in the end, if we had wanted what He wanted all along, we would have found peace much sooner than we did.

Now, instead of my heart seeing your shoes missing at the front door, I see my shoes missing beside yours.

Rather than my heart noticing the empty chair alongside mine at the table, I see the seat you've saved for me at His table.

There are no photos of you missing in God's family photos -- you're where He pictured you to be all along.

It's us who are missing... we're not home.

It was never my place to teach you here on earth; I could never have taught you as much as you're teaching me.

I no longer see us growing up without you, I see you growing up without us... waiting for our hearts to understand what you've understood all along, waiting for the day until you can teach us about where you've been for the last 11 years.

Not too much longer...

Pizza and Cucumbers

2011-10-20T11:50:00.000-04:00

The last time I wrote about my Eucharisteo(Thanksgiving) list, I was at number 271. Today I am at 610. How about you? Are you still finding things to be thankful for? Sometimes it's hard to think of new things. After I hit 500, I found that I was repeating myself. I guess there are some things in life that I really love! Richard said that he started repeating himself after the first six things. He wrote down me and the kids and our house and our parents and then got stuck. I told him that there were at least 100 things to be thankful for about me alone and that he just needed to try harder! Smile.
If you are having trouble seeing what there is to be thankful for, here's a few from my list that might spur you on to think of your own...

273. Driving with the sunroof open and singing
276. When everything is ready for company to come
281. Sonic ice
287. A table full of teenagers
292. Running into friends at Target
301. Friends to pray with
305. Pizza and cucumbers
310. New recipes
329. Running through sprinklers
332. Special Olympians
338. A sister with a boat
344. Christians in Congress
351. Being missed
357. Kisses in the elevator
363. Pregnant bellies
375. The high/low game
376. Sittie's spaghetti
392. Finding out I can resist fresh baked chocolate chip cookies
396. Listening to Will tell me about his day
407. Squeaky clean dishes
414. Laughing in a crowded theater
428. Generous lemonade stand customers
431. Using our guest room for guests
458. An innocent daughter
468. A new friend on FB
477. People who wave when they drive by

Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you. 1 Samuel 12:24

New Creation

2011-10-18T10:59:00.000-04:00

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

A couple of weeks ago we took the kids to the Byrd theater (which, by the way, was listed in USA Today as one of the 10 great places to see a movie in splendor) to see the movie "Metamorphosis." As you may remember, when we tried to explain heaven to Anna, we used the example of the caterpillar and the butterfly to show her that someday she would be transformed and that she would be able to run, and jump, and play in her new heavenly body.

Anna painted a picture of a butterfly a few weeks before she died and it is hanging above our fireplace. We have a butterfly tree when you walk in our front door. I am always wearing at least one butterfly--ring, necklace, or earrings. We love butterflies because they remind us of Anna's new life. But when we went to see "Metamorphosis" I learned something about butterflies that I did not know.
A butterfly is not a caterpillar with wings. Once the caterpillar enters the chrysalis, it can never go back to being a caterpillar. In fact, the caterpillar has to die in order to become a butterfly. The cells that make up the caterpillar parts break down inside the chrysalis and become food for the cells that grow into the butterfly parts. Besides the wings, the butterfly has totally different eyes, feet, stomach, and body than the caterpillar. Everything is new. It is a new creation!

The butterfly helped Anna understand heaven, and it helps me understand who I am as a Christian. Just as the caterpillar dies and the butterfly is created, when I placed my faith in Christ, I died to my old self and became a new creation. I am not Marlo with "peace" stuck on my arm, and "love" taped to my back. I am a new creation--as different as the caterpillar is from the butterfly. The old has gone, the new has come! Do I always feel like a butterfly? No. I often return to my caterpillar ways. I crawl around in the mud instead of flying. But if God gave us the butterfly as a picture of what it means to be a new creation, then it is impossible for me to go back to being a caterpillar--even if I act like one.

"Go in new life with Christ... Go, and be as the butterfly."
(Quote from At Home in Mitford, by Jan Karon)

Fall 2011

2011-10-11T11:23:00.000-04:00

Just in case you were wondering what we have been up to lately...

Starting in August, our lives seem to revolve around FOOTBALL!

Do you remember last year when I wrote about Will being Benched? Well, this year he is on a smaller team so he has been playing offense and defense. That has presented a new set of problems--mainly stress and bruises!

Here's a picture of the scoreboard from our only win so far. After the last game (score 6-7), Will said, "That was our best loss of the season!" It's all in how you look at it...

Long after football started....school started. I couldn't find my camera on the first day so this picture is from the second week of 5th grade...

The second week of 7th grade...

And sometime during the first half of Jacob's sophomore year. (He wouldn't let me take a picture outside.)

The holiday season starts in September at our house with Will's birthday.

He wanted to celebrate by bobbing for apples--never mind that it was a cool rainy evening. No one seemed to mind getting wet.

Some friends of our happened to be driving through town on the day of Will's party and joined the fun. Audra was happy to hold their new baby...

While Kevin led the boys in playing Ninja in the kitchen at 11pm. Way to go Kevin!

Besides football, we have been enjoying cross country meets and cheering Jacob on. Go Jacob go!!!

(Yes, I do think he was wearing some sort of headband in this picture. Don't ask me why.)

The schools here are T-O-U-G-H. One afternoon, Will set up his perfect homework station, complete with popcorn and a drink.

I surprised Audra by taking her out of school one day to go see "Wicked". She said it was amazing. I just said, "Wow!"

This is what Jacob wore on school picture day--the sweatshirt I bought his dad at Disneyworld on our honeymoon. Jacob LOVES retro anything!

Some nights there is no time to make dinner, but no one complains about eating Chic-fil-A at a football game.

With a grateful heart...

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change (James 1:17)

WWJD?

2011-10-04T11:45:00.001-04:00

WWJD? It's written on pens, jewelry, signs, and even candy wrappers. It's an acronym for, "What would Jesus do?" Presumably it is a question asked by those who desire to be more like Jesus. But what does being "like Jesus" really mean? Usually when I think about being more like Jesus I think about being nicer. Is that what Jesus was? Nice? Is that what Jesus would do? Be nice?

Hundreds of years before Jesus was born, the prophet Isaiah described him as a servant. In chapter 53 Isaiah wrote that there was nothing about Jesus' appearance that stood out as beautiful or majestic. Nothing about his looks would attract people to him. He was despised and rejected by those around him. He was a man of sorrows and he was acquainted with deepest grief. People turned their backs on him and looked the other way. He was oppressed and treated harshly. He did not open his mouth to defend himself when he was unjustly condemned. His life was cut short. He died without descendants. He did no wrong and deceived no one and yet he was buried like a criminal.

Was Jesus nice? I'm sure he was, but he was also rejected, despised, and oppressed. Obviously there is more to being "like Jesus" than just being nice. According to this passage, it is my grief that makes me more like Jesus who was fully acquainted with deepest grief. It is caring more about the people around me than about how I look that makes me more like Jesus who did not attract followers based on his appearance. It is my tears that make me more like Jesus man of sorrows. It is being left out of the popular crowd because I don't "fit in" that makes me more like Jesus the rejected. It is when I am treated harshly that I am more like Jesus the oppressed. It is when I am able to serve without recognition that makes me more like Jesus the servant. It is not clinging to this life and playing it "safe" that makes me more like Jesus whose life was cut short. All of the things I try to avoid--grief, difficult circumstances, loneliness--are things that can be used to mold me into the image of Christ.

The rest of Isaiah 53 tells us why Jesus was despised, rejected, and sorrowful...

Yet is was our weaknesses he carried.

It was our sorrows that weighed him down.

And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,

a punishment for his own sins!

But he was pierced for our rebellion,

crushed for our sins.

He was beaten so we could be whole.

He was whipped so we could be healed.

All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.

We have left God's paths to follow our own.

Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all...

When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish,

he will be satisfied.

And because of his experience,

my righteous servant will make it possible

for many to be counted righteous,

for he will bear all their sins.

I can't save anyone. I can't even keep my house clean. But the more I am like Jesus, the more I can point people to the one who can save. The one who can heal. The one who can make us whole.

What's your bible?

2011-09-20T12:02:00.000-04:00

bible (def.): any book, reference work, periodical, etc., accepted as authoritative, informative, or reliable

What bible do you read? The barbecue bible? The homeowners bible? The football coaches bible? The birdwatchers bible? What book, reference work, or periodical do you accept as authoritative, informative, and reliable? The New York Times? People magazine? Ladies Home Journal?

I love magazines. I like that they have short articles that I can read quickly. I like seeing pictures of places and people I will never see in person. I like learning something new. I usually read them when I'm waiting--waiting to get my haircut, waiting to see the doctor, waiting for my car to be finished.

(This summer I received a copy of a new magazine in the mail. It said I was chosen to receive it because they knew I was "a woman of style and substance." Later, I saw a friend of mine at the pool with the same magazine and I said, "Oh, you must be a woman of style and substance too!" How did they know?)

This week I was reading the "Ladies Home Journal" and I realized how careful you have to be in what you accept as authoritative, informative, and reliable. There is an article in the October issue that says, "'boyfriends with boundaries' can actually provide relief for harangued husbands: With other doting males filling in the gaps, their wives make fewer demands on them. A woman who loves the company of men should be able to have more than one man love her back. Another man's unswerving affection expands our ability to love and think and be happy... even if there is sexual chemistry, it doesn't mean that the sexual act will follow. When selected wisely, trusty male pals are so precious that only a fool would ruin things by taking one to bed." The author believes that every married woman needs a "cute, sensitive, slightly flirtatious guy best friend."

I have never heard worse marriage advice. And although I can read that article and reject it as playing with fire and the worst thing I could do for my marriage, other people may not. Another woman may read that as confirmation that it's okay to flirt with that guy at the office or to spend time alone with that neighbor down the street. If her husband objects to her cute, sensitive and slightly flirtatious new friend, she can point to her Ladies Home Journal bible as proof that her boyfriend is good for her marriage.

Be on guard!

Do not believe everything you read. Romans 1:25(and the following verses) warn us what can happen when we exchange the truth of God for a lie. God's Bible (with a capital B) is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path (Psalm 119:105). Judge what you read in magazines and newspapers according to the truth. Truth is not what I say it is or what you say it is. Truth is what God says it is. My opinions change. My knowledge changes. My behavior changes. My circumstances change. But God is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) Do you need advice? Don't rely on the wisdom of fools. "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God?" (1 Cor 3:19) Rely on the word of God. Make the Bible your bible.

Don't Wait!

2011-09-13T10:48:00.000-04:00

Don't wait. There is only limited space available.

Reserve your space before it's too late.

We saw this sign when we went to the cemetery to visit Anna's grave. I thought it was funny so I stopped the car and took a picture. We wondered if you were supposed to hurry up and die before all the good spots were gone. As we were driving away Jacob said, "You have a good sense of humor Mom." I told him that in life you can choose to laugh or cry. If at all possible, I choose to laugh.

Hurricane

2011-09-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

We survived our first hurricane since moving to the East coast. Being from the Midwest, we were used to tornadoes, but we never worried about hurricanes. Both storms can be devastating, but they are different. A tornado strikes quickly, with or without warning, and then is over in a matter of minutes. The weatherman could often tell us the exact time that the tornado would pass through our neighborhood. This gave us enough time to grab the kids and hide under the stairs until the storm had passed. A hurricane on the other hand, gives you lots of advance warning. People talk about it for days before it hits. This gives you plenty of time to prepare. Time to buy batteries (if there are any left). Time to buy SPAM and other canned goods. (If that's what you like to eat.) Time to fill up the bathtub with water so that you can flush your toilets. (The kids kept asking, "Why are we doing this?" and I really didn't know other than someone told me that's what I was supposed to do to "be prepared".) We had time to put away the lawn furniture and move the rabbit to the porch. We had friends evacuate to our house from their house near the beach. We waited. Then the storm came in...slowly. It started with a light rain. I went for my run. Then gradually the winds picked up and the rain came down heavier and heavier. Then the trees started falling. No one told me that we could be killed by trees falling on the house. We don't have trees that big in Oklahoma. No one told me that we should stay downstairs. Now I know. (Luckily our tree snapped in the middle instead of at the roots and it just brushed Will's window instead of landing inside his room where he was playing with three other boys.)
The wind and rain came in waves. Just when we thought it was over, another band would hit and the storm would rage anew. It lasted a long time.
Before the hurricane, there was no way to tell which trees would survive the storm and which trees would fall. Some trees that appeared to be indestructible gave way at the roots and toppled over--crushing cars, power lines, houses, and unfortunately people. Other trees swayed and bent with the wind and stood straight again once the storm had passed. Some, like ours, were unwilling to bend and snapped in two. There was no way to see how flexible a tree was or strong the roots were until they were tested by the storm.

Unfortunately, life is full of storms. (In this world you will have tribulation [ie. storms] John 16:33) Sometimes the storms will last a long time--chronic illness, a rebellious child, infertility, poverty, depression. Often the storms come in waves--just when you think things have calmed down, another wave hits. Jesus says that even though we are guaranteed to face storms in this world, we don't have to live in fear. Be courageous for I have overcome the world! He also says that we can have peace in Him. I am realizing more and more how valuable peace is--not just peace in our nation, but peace in my home. Jesus said, I leave you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. The peace I give is a gift the world cannot give (John 14:27). My peace does not come from a lack of storms in my life. My peace comes from trusting the one who has already overcome this world.

Do you have peace of mind in the storms of life? When the storms come, are you willing to bend? Are your roots strong enough to sustain you? Can you hang on even if the storm lasts a long time? When your strength is tested, will you fall or will you stand?

Summer 2011

2011-08-31T08:53:00.000-04:00

My posts have been few and far between this summer because we have been busy! (And on the days we weren't busy, the computer was "busy" with three other people wanting to use it :-)

We started off the summer with Will attending his first major league baseball game. I think it was a hit!

We tried to make the most of our season passes to King's Dominion. This particular roller coaster (The Intimidator) has a 305 foot vertical drop--not my favorite--which is why I'm taking the picture instead of riding. I think Jacob and Audra are in the front row of this one.

Will worked on his back dive at the pool. (Check out the unknown person going off the high dive!)

We kissed Jacob goodbye and sent him off for an unforgettable week in Rome.

We enjoyed a romantic evening with four kids at the drive-in theater.

We celebrated the 4th of July at the ballpark. Yes, that is a tarp and a deluge you see.

We enjoyed several outdoor movies on the driveway.

We went fishing.

We relaxed on the beach (when we weren't getting stung by jellyfish).

We pet lemurs...

and rhinos...

but we did not pet the penguins...

even though they asked for it.

We visited friends in Oklahoma.

We visited Anna's grave.

We hung out at Pop's...

and we hung out with Pop.

We attended a family reunion with my mom and three of her brothers and their families.

We survived a hurricane (and an earthquake).

And we cleaned up after the storm.

We opened our own business.

And we rock hopped on the James River.

Well, some of us rock hopped and some of us played our ukelele.

It's been a good summer.

Compared to

2011-08-26T09:44:00.001-04:00

If we are to share (Christ's) glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. (Romans 8:17-18)

These words were written by the Apostle Paul to the Christians in Rome who were living under the rule of Emperor Nero. The Roman emperors took pleasure in burning Christians at the stake, tying them to bulls who dragged them to death, and covering them with animal skins to watch wild dogs rip them to pieces. The people to whom these words were written lived under the constant threat of death. They grieved the murders of their friends and family members. They suffered.
If their suffering was nothing compared to their future glory, how much more is my suffering nothing compared to what is to be revealed later?
Notice that Paul did not say that what those Christians suffered was nothing.
Getting cancer is not nothing.
Losing your mother is not nothing.
Having the children you thought you were going to keep forever taken back by their birth mother is not nothing.
What he said was that their suffering was nothing compared to what would be revealed later.
The rainstorm we had yesterday in Virginia was big, but it was nothing compared to the rain we will get tomorrow from the hurricane.
The hole our rabbit dug under the house is big, but it is nothing compared to the Grand Canyon.
Losing someone you love is HUGE, but it is nothing compared to what lies ahead.
Difficult concept to grasp? Yes. Difficult to see my suffering as nothing? Yes. It is only nothing when I am able to compare it to what lies ahead and this comparison is only possible if I am able to trust in what I cannot see.
That's great for the future, but how am I supposed to make it through this day?
Today it hurts.
Today I want to give up.
Today my suffering is all I can see.

God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort... For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3,5)

If you are suffering today, be encouraged as you compare your suffering with what lies ahead and as you continue to seek the God of all comfort.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

Press on!

A letter to my friend...

2011-07-17T16:15:00.003-04:00

Sometimes God wraps his gifts in unlikely packages. Often they come wrapped as tiny, helpless babies. His greatest gift was born in a stable. No one could imagine how a tiny baby could change the world. But that baby grew, and taught, and loved, and healed, and suffered, and died, and rose again. Along the way, that tiny baby became a man who conquered sin and death and gave us hope for eternity. He was truly God's greatest gift.

I received a gift from God in the form of a baby girl. When she was born, I couldn't imagine how that tiny baby would change my life. She grew, she laughed, she loved, she died. Along the way, that tiny baby became a little girl who taught me how to trust God, how to love people, how to make the most of every day, how to suffer, how to be brave, and how to keep my focus on eternity. She was a severe mercy, a blessing, and one of God's greatest gifts to me.

This week you have received a gift from God in the form of a baby boy. As you look at him, you cannot yet see all the ways he will change your life. He will grow. He will laugh. He will love. Oh, how he will love! He will teach you to trust God, to love people, to make the most of every day, to celebrate the little things (which are really the big things) and he will teach you how to be brave. The world may say that he is not perfect. God says that he is fearfully and wonderfully made. You have been given a great gift that will take a lifetime to unwrap.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not our home

It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise?

(lyrics by Laura Story)

Eucharisteo: to give thanks; to rejoice

2011-07-06T09:05:00.001-04:00

Back in April I started my journal of 1,000 gifts. It's my Eucharisteo journal--giving thanks to God for what he has given me. I've named 271 so far...

47. People who adopt orphans
51. Sharing an earbud with my son; sharing his world
57. Real mail in the mailbox
68. Wagging dog tails
81. Father/Son camping trips
83. Wild strawberries among the weeds
100. Butterflies
108. Ginormous bowls of popcorn
129. Early morning walks
133. Teenagers who say thank you
143. Bunnies who want to be held
151. Iced tea mixed with lemonade
167. Clean sinks
184. A peaceful home
186. A husband who loves me
212. Strangers who say hello
215. Dinner parties
224. Roller coasters at night
231. A permanent address (only thought of this one after spending a day with the homeless)
236. Good night kisses
245. A child in my lap
267. Looking in libraries
269. Having a hand to hold

I hope my list will encourage you to notice the gifts God has given you. Perhaps you haven't recognized the things around you as gifts. Acts 14:16 says that God has not left us without evidence of himself and his goodness. For instance, he sends you rain and good crops and gives you food and joyful hearts. God has put things around us that reveal himself and his goodness--things like rain, food, and joyful hearts (and baby ducks, BFF's, and birthdays). In John 17:7 Jesus says that everything he has is a gift from God. In order to live life with a grateful heart, you have to recognize the gifts you have.

in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess. 5:18)

Had enough?

2011-07-04T10:16:00.000-04:00

Once upon time there was a prophet named Elijah. He was a great man of God. During his lifetime, he stood up to the king, he was fed by ravens, he prayed for a drought in Samaria for three years, he raised a boy from the dead, he called down fire from heaven, and he killed all the prophets of Baal. Did I mention he was a great man of God? But apparently even great men of God get discouraged. When Elijah found out that the Queen (a Baal worshipper herself) was planning to kill him, he fled for his life. "He went alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough Lord...Take my life.'" After Elijah cried out to God, he collapsed and slept. As he was sleeping, an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat!" He looked around and saw some bread and water. So he ate and drank and slept again. Then the angel of the Lord touched him again and said, "Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel...(1 Kings 19:4-8)

Application:

Everyone gets worn out/burned out/discouraged/afraid--even great men of God. How many times have you said, "I've had enough! I can't take it anymore!" It's a common feeling--having had enough--wanting to end the pain. But God promises that he has a purpose for us and that he will fulfill it. (Psalm 138:8) Just because you are discouraged does not mean that you are not a Christian. It may mean that you are alone in the wilderness. It may mean that you are tired and hungry. It may mean that you need to hear a word from the Lord--which is what happens to Elijah later in the story.

When you are worn out/burned out/tired of running you need to take care of your physical needs. You need rest. You need food. It sounds simple, but it's the way God made us. If you are going through a difficult season of life, take care of yourself. Sleep. Eat. If you don't, the journey ahead will be too much for you.

When you are depressed, things look worse than they really are. In verse 14 Elijah tells God that he is the only prophet of God left. "And now they are trying to kill me too." God assures him that he has preserved a remnant of 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal. Elijah needed to see the situation from God's perspective.

So if today you are saying, "I've had enough!" Stop. Rest. Eat. Look at your situation from God's perspective. Listen for His voice. He will strengthen you for the journey ahead.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Why should I?

2011-06-29T08:39:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time there was a great and valiant soldier who was highly regarded by the king (2 Kings ch.5). But although Naaman was a mighty warrior, he suffered from leprosy. One day his slave girl said, "If my master would go see the prophet in Samaria, he would heal him of his leprosy." So Naaman left his home carrying gold, silver, and clothing to offer in exchange for his healing. He arrived at the prophet Elisha's door with his impressive entourage of horses and chariots and Elisha didn't even bother to come outside. Instead, he sent a servant to tell the great commander, "Go wash in the Jordan river seven times and your flesh will be restored." Naaman was offended and went off in a rage, "I thought he would certainly come out to meet me! I expected him to wave his hand over the leprosy and call on the name of the Lord his God and heal me! Why should I dip in the Jordan river? Aren't the rivers of Damascus, Abana, and Pharpar better than any of the rivers of Israel? Why can't I wash in them?"

"I thought ... !"
"I expected ... !"
"Why should I ... ?"
Have you ever said those words to God? I have.
"I thought things would be different!"
"I expected you to fix this!"
"Why should I have to do this?"

God does not act in ways we "think" or "expect". He doesn't do things the way we think he "should".

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declares the Lord." As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

We can't understand his ways. We must be like Naaman and obey even when it doesn't make sense to us. Instead of waiting for God to tell us what we want to hear, we need to act on what he has already said.

Naaman's officers told him, "Sir, if the prophet had asked you to do something very difficult wouldn't you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he tells you to do something simple like 'wash and be cured'." So Naaman humbled himself and did what Elisha had told him to do and he was healed.

We need to stop shaking our fists at God and saying, "I thought...! I expected...! You should...!" We can't understand, but we can choose to trust and obey.

Abandoned by God?

2011-06-27T10:37:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time the city of Samaria was under siege (2 Kings 6-7). The people inside the city were starving to death while the armies of Aram encamped around them. One day the King of Samaria was walking around the city wall when a woman cried out to him for help. He looked at her and said, "If God does not help you, how can I help you?" He had nothing to offer. He knew that only God could help her. Before walking away he asked, "What's the matter?" The woman told a gruesome story of an arrangement she had made with another woman to kill and eat their sons. Evidently after eating the first woman's son, the other woman had gone back on her word and had hidden her son. When the king heard her words he was sickened by the disaster that had come upon his people. He tore his robe and cried out, "All this misery is from the Lord! Why should I wait for the Lord any longer?" He felt abandoned by God. He didn't see any way out of his current situation. He was hopeless.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever gotten tired of waiting for God to help you? My neighbor got tired of waiting. My friend's nephew got tired of waiting. They thought they were in hopeless, impossible situations.

But God changed everything for the Samaritans in ONE day. What seemed impossible to them was possible with God. Unbeknownst to the Samaritans, God had caused the Arameans to hear what sounded like a great army attacking them and they abandoned their camp and ran for their lives. The enemy was defeated! God had fought the battle. He was the victor, but the people inside the city continued to live in bondage--not knowing that their salvation had arrived.

Are you one of the Samaritans in this story? God has fought the battle for YOU! He has won the victory over sin and death. You don't have to live as a victim. You don't have to live without hope. You can claim victory in Christ.

That night, four lepers decided to surrender to the Arameans. They knew if they stayed in the city they would die so they took their chances by going to the enemy camp. When they got there, they found that it was empty. They ran into the first tent and ate and drank and gathered gold, silver, and clothes. After raiding several tents they said, "This is not right. This is a day of good news and we aren't sharing it with anyone...Come let's go back and tell the people." At first the guards didn't believe the lepers so they sent out scouts to see if it was true. When they discovered that the army was truly gone and that they were free, the entire city ran out to plunder the camp.

Are you one of the lepers in this story? Do you have good news that you need to share or are you just stuffing your face? Do you go to church and eat the bread of life and never share it with people who are starving? In the words of the lepers, "This is not right."

Do not give up. God can change your circumstances in an instant, but even if he does not you can have a hope that is firm and secure. And if you have good news, share it!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

A Family Affair

2011-06-22T16:39:00.000-04:00

We are an equal opportunity family, so after enjoying a visit from the Salamys it was time to spend a few days with my parents...

We took them to see a couple of Will's ballgames...

Under a beautiful sky!

Will is especially good at stealing bases.

Then we went to Audra's school to watch her track meet.

Go Audra go!

We love having a table full of people whether we are outside...

Or inside.

(Notice the TV on in the background. We were watching the tornado reports in Oklahoma.)

Will loved just hanging out in the backyard...

But he REALLY loved getting to go to Dave and Busters with Papa.

We are so glad when family comes to see us!

And this time they left behind these beautiful stained glass windows in our entryway--hand crafted by my dad.

Thanks Grammy and Papa!

Fathers Day

2011-06-19T07:57:00.000-04:00

Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged;

Fathers are the pride of their children.

Proverbs 17:6

Happy Fathers Day Pop and Papa.

We love you and are proud of you!

And Happy Day to the pride of my children.

I choose you.

I'm Sorry

2011-06-17T09:30:00.002-04:00

What can I say? How can I start? I was planning to write about my parents' visit, but I can't today. My heart is too heavy. My mind too consumed.
A neighbor down the street committed suicide this week. Her daughter found her. The police came. My kids stood on the corner to see what was going on. I just went back inside and fixed dinner. I didn't even know what had happened until a few days later when I heard someone talking about it at the bus stop.
Why do we go through life assuming that everyone is doing okay? Why do we assume that we are the only ones with problems? Why do we resist taking off our masks and letting people see what is going on?
This week at my Bible study group (remember, the one I didn't want to go to) the leader asked us to share how our lives had been interrupted. My heart was pounding. I didn't want to share. I didn't want to be the only person falling apart when I told my story. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me.
I didn't have to worry.
That small group of women shared stories of bankruptcy, job loss, children born with handicaps, family splits, depression, panic attacks, and infidelity. I was not the only one whose life had been forever changed by suffering.
We all took off our masks just for a moment and let others see our wounds.
And it helped.
We prayed for each other.
And it helped.
We studied to see how God can make something beautiful out of something ugly.
And it helped.
I wish I had invited my neighbor. I wish she could have shared her pain with someone else. I wish we could have prayed with her and for her. I wish I could have told her that what is seen is temporary.
But it's too late.
Now when I drive down my street I wonder if there is someone else inside those beautiful houses who is hurting, someone else who is having trouble getting out of bed each day, someone else who needs the hope that I have.
I can't assume that just because their yard looks perfect that their life is perfect.
I'm sorry neighbor.
I'm sorry I didn't even know your name.

Spring Fling

2011-06-15T12:05:00.001-04:00

In April we enjoyed a visit from Richard's parents. We always like to take the opportunity to see the sights around here--and there are a lot of sites to see!

We started the week with a Richmond tradition--dinner and a movie in Carytown. There is always something/someone interesting to see when you walk around down there. Plus movies only cost $2 and there is a Wurlitzer organ concert before the show on Saturday nights!

Next it was off to DC. We parked the car outside of town and rode the subway in because now we know how to do that.

We checked out the Air and Space Museum. It was very crowded because it was spring break and it was FREE.

We dined on pretzels from a street vendor outside the capitol. Not great, but we were in a hurry.

We visited James Lankford's office. Evidently he drew a high number in the lottery because his office is HARD to find!

We tried out his desk--he was in Oklahoma at the time!

After a private tour of the capitol we headed to an early dinner in Chinatown. Lucky for us it was happy hour so our food was half price. If I could remember the name of the restaurant I would recommend it...

This is the staircase in the restaurant--like I said, we were lucky our meals were half price!

The night before Easter we went to see the Flying Squirrels play ball. They had a petting zoo outside. It was hard to get Audra to go into the stadium. Nothing says "Easter" like rubbing the belly of a tiny pig...

Take me out to the ball game...

I don't care if I never get back...

Yea! They won in extra innings!

Easter Sunday--all dressed up for church

Then back home for an Easter egg hunt.

Love those azaleas!

One last meal together and then it was time to say goodbye.

Until next time...

Raindrops on skylights

2011-06-10T10:06:00.002-04:00

Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur?

So says Ann Voskamp in her book One Thousand Gifts. Do we save our thanks and praise for moments of magnificence and grandeur? Does it take a mountain top experience to see God? Isn't the God who made Niagara Falls, the Swiss Alps, and the Grand Canyon the same one who made the geraniums by your front door, the sunrise over the 7-11, and the cool of the water rushing over your skin in the neighborhood pool? Do you have the time and the eyes to see His hand where you are today? Now?

The only place we need to see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.

I have started looking. I have started noticing. I have started giving thanks. If I continue to name three things each day, I should reach one thousand by my next birthday.
Some are good things,
1. the sound of raindrops on the skylight in the middle of the night,
4. a new contact on my phone,
9. open windows,
14. eating outside.
Some are not-so-good,
37. an "A" scratched on the side of my car reminds me that Anna lived,
38. dirty socks on the floor remind me that Jacob, Audra, and Will still live,
39. forgotten homework, flutes, and lunches--another chance to say 'I love you' when I take them to their owners.
Giving thanks in all things.

Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives. Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our YES! to His grace.

Try it.
Slow down.
Look around you.
Give thanks.
Start with three and let me know in the comment section what they are.

"He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God." (Psalm 50:23)

Answered Prayer

2011-06-09T10:41:00.000-04:00

The other day I woke up and I was having a "bad" day. Perhaps it was the let down after the big birthday week, perhaps it was spiritual warfare, perhaps it was something I ate. Whatever the reason, I wrote this in my journal...

Lord I am feeling isolated and worthless again. NO ONE sees me this way--except me. Can you please redirect my focus/thoughts/perspective? Could you please help me to have contact with a friend today?

After that prayer I remembered that there was a new Bible Study starting at church that morning. I hadn't planned to go. The announcement said that it was for "homeschool educators" and my kids go to public school. But I knew I wouldn't see anyone if I stayed home so I decided that maybe I would go. I ended up taking Jacob to school and then taking the dog for a walk by the creek. I got home at 9:20. Was I going? I only had 20 minutes to get ready. I had to change my maybe to a yes or no. Okay, I'll go... I could be on time and have wet hair or I could be late and have dry hair. I went with wet hair because I hate to be late--especially on the first day of something I'm not really sure I want to go to. When I got to the church I couldn't find the class. I asked a lady in the office. She didn't know where the group was meeting. I asked the pastor in charge of education. He didn't know where they were. He checked the schedule. Yes, they were supposed to start today. He called the lady in charge--no answer. (All this time I am telling myself, "Well, you tried. You should just go. Just leave. No one will care. No one will know that you were here. You aren't supposed to be here anyway. GO!") He called someone else and she told him they were meeting in the basement. Oh really? Thank you. So I went to the basement. I knew one of the women in the class so I sat by her. The first session was about "Life's Interruptions".

Has your life been interrupted?
What do you do when God changes the plans you have for your life?
The Divinely interrupted life is a privileged life.
An interrupted life is a significant life.
When God changes the direction of your life, he gives you a story that will impact others.
The interrupted life is an opportunity to walk with God and be a part of what He is doing.

All things I needed to hear.

And when I got home I had this email...

Marlo,

I'm glad you came to the Bible Study today! You are one of my favorite people (bet you didn't know that!), and I'm looking forward to studying God's word with you in this small group setting.

Blessings,
Becky

Redirected focus/thoughts/perspective? Check.
Contact with a friend? Check.
Answered prayer? Check.

Happier Birthdays

2011-06-09T10:12:00.001-04:00

Last week we celebrated Jacob and Audra's birthday. They were born on the same day three years apart. It was great when they were little because we had one big party. It will be great when they are older because we can have one big party. But right now they are very different so we celebrate separately.

Jacob wanted to "hang out" with friends in the backyard.

There was skateboarding..

Snacks...

A big cookie...

Music...

Really LOUD music....

And a movie that no one watched...

The next morning we had our traditional birthday breakfast and we gave the kids their presents.

Jacob got his passport and money for his mission trip to Rome

Audra got a unicycle

Then it was time for Audra's party at the pool...

Wait a minute Zoe, this is not the crazy picture...

This is!

The cupcakes were Audra's creations....

Lucky little brother had plenty of chips to eat and a friend to keep him busy...

While big brother worked the front gate. He charged us full price for all of our guests--no family discount. This boy takes his job serious!

For this I gave him this pin declaring him the "Employee of the Month"--on his first day of work!

A good time was had by all and now Audra has enough duct tape and sharpies to last through the summer.

Thank you God for friends!

Recipe for May 29

2011-05-31T09:33:00.001-04:00

Every year we struggle with what to do on May 29. We don't want it to be a depressing day, but we also don't want it to be a regular day. One year we met our friends at the cemetery for a balloon release then went back to our house and played charades. One year we ate at Taco Bueno and then walked to 7-11 for a Big Gulp. Last year we picked cherries. Every year we try to come up with a new way to have fun remembering our girl. This year the recipe was as follows...

Combine one Mexican Stack lunch...

With Lady bug cupcakes...

Add a Sponge Bob marathon...

New Butterfly art for the kitchen window...

Pink flowers...

A butterfly balloon...

And top it off with a Popsicle, Popcorn, and Pink Panther party on the deck.

We are so thankful for what we have had in the past, what we have today, and what we will have in the future.

Letting Go of Dum Dums

2011-05-28T07:59:00.003-04:00

When someone dies you have to let go of a lot of things. I didn't just lose a daughter. Audra lost a best friend. Will lost his role as big brother. Jacob lost his innocence. Richard lost his hope.
We had to let go of dreams. We had to let go of dollhouses and snuggling on the couch reading out loud. I let go of the play kitchen, the motorized jeep, and our fourth bean bag chair. I let go of size 4 clothes, stuffed animals, and matching pink and purple bedspreads. As time goes by, I continue to let go of things as I'm able.
Last night it was Dum Dums. Anna loved Dum Dums. She liked all of the colors and choices. She liked to hold several in her hand at the same time. When she was on the couch, she liked to keep a crystal bowl of Dum Dums right next to her on the coffee table. She got too sick to eat them, but she liked to play with them and give them away to people who came to visit. After she died, I put the lid on that dish and placed it high on a shelf so that no one would accidentally eat them. I bought other Dum Dums to keep available at all times, but I wanted to hold on to Anna's. Just like with the half-eaten granola bar (that Jacob ate a year later-yuck!), and the single package of pudding in my pantry, I have tried to hold on to a piece of my girl. It's impossible. Last night the ants found the Dum Dums. Hundreds of ants were lining up to get a bite of the sugary goodness. When Audra showed me what was happening, I grabbed the bowl and brushed off as many ants as I could and then dumped the suckers into a plastic bag. This morning as I was squishing the ants in the bag, this verse came to mind...

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust (and ants) destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matt. 6:19-20

It was just another reminder that my treasure is not on this earth. ALL these things will pass away. What is seen is temporary. So I will let go of the Dum Dums and once again embrace the unseen eternal. I will choose to look through this "hole" in my life and see God.

I wonder...

2011-05-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

I wonder...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see.

To see through to God.

That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. to the God whom we endlessly crave.

Maybe so.

(Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts)

What Matters

2011-05-24T09:36:00.000-04:00

Last week Harold Camping told the world that life as we know it would end Saturday at 6pm. Although his prophecy was proven to be false, life did end the next day for at least 116 people in Joplin, Missouri. As I watched a video of 20 people taking refuge in a walk-in freezer, I got chills. The people in that freezer thought they were in their last moments on earth. Above the sounds of the raging storm you can hear a woman crying out over and over again, "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" Then you can hear a couple of guys saying, "I love you." "I love you guys." "I love everybody."
The video is too dark to be able to see anyone's face. All you can do is listen to their voices and the sounds of the raging tornado. Hiding in that small, dark place, it didn't matter to those people whether or not they were having a good hair day. It didn't matter where they bought their clothes. It didn't matter if they were a teacher or a businessman. They could have been rich or poor. But, they were all equally helpless before the power of the storm. And at what they thought was the end of life as they knew it, what mattered was their relationship to God and their relationship to others.
What if you were facing the last moments of your life? Would the things that you are worried about today matter? Would the things that you spend most of your time on matter? Are you spending time developing your relationship with God and with others? At the end of your life--whether it comes today, or on October 21 as Harold Camping is now saying, or 40 years from now--will you have taken the time for what matters?

'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-39)

Better than no place

2011-04-28T16:28:00.003-04:00

"Mom, do you know where there is a pond around here?"
That was the question this morning before school. Apparently Audra needed to take pond water to science class today. So we found a pond and trespassed through someone's back yard so that Audra could lay down on their dock and scoop up pond water. Mission accomplished!

"Mom, are you busy?"
That was the phone call I got this afternoon. Audra forgot that track team pictures were today and her uniform was at home. Unfortunately for her, it was also in the washing machine. Mom to the rescue again! I took the uniform out of the washer and had the bright idea of hanging it out the window of the car while I drove. This worked for a little while until it started raining. So I tried turning up the heat and holding the uniform in front of the vents. This would have worked if the school was farther from our house. It got so hot and steamy in the car that Will and I had to crack the windows--which let the rain in. When we got to school, it was pouring down and for some unknown reason, there were orange cones blocking the circle drive. What to do???
"Will, get out and move those cones."
Hopefully Audra will be able to smile pretty while wearing wet shorts...

"Just finish"
At Audra's first track meet she ran the mile. We didn't know what to expect because she had never raced before. She came in last. As I was walking her around the track to cool down, she showed me the words she had written on her hand, "Just finish." That was her goal. She didn't care if she won. She just didn't want to be a quitter.

That incident reminded me of one of the many wise things Anna said. We were one of two boats entered in a 4th of July boat parade. We had a great time riding around the lake. Anna wore her blue swimsuit and her pink cowgirl boots and waved to the people on the shore. When I told her that our boat came in 2nd, she said, "Well, second place is better than last place. And last place is better than no place."

In this race called "life," finishing is my goal too. I don't care if I am first. I don't care if I'm the best. I just want to finish strong and hear my "coach" say, "Well done." That's what pressing on is all about.

Keep going.

Don't quit.

Just finish.

And remember that last place is better than no place.

Mail for Anna

2011-04-26T18:07:00.001-04:00

A couple of days ago there were two clothing catalogs in the mailbox. I usually just throw those type of things away, but a shirt on the back of one caught my eye. It looked like something I would wear. Then I looked at the cover of the other one and there was a lime green skirt--just my style. I had never heard of either of the companies before so I looked to see who the catalogs were addressed to. Imagine my surprise when I saw that they were addressed to Anna Salamy. How would Anna's name get on a mailing list 3 1/2 years after she died to an address where she never lived??????? I like to think that Anna knew what I would like and she sent the catalogs for me to pick something out from her. Well, that's what I'll tell Richard if I decide to spend $95 on a lime green skirt...

Today is my birthday and it has been a good day. I had a nice birthday breakfast with the kids.

Then Richard's parents and I met him at the Lewis Ginter Gardens for lunch. I wouldn't recommend the Team Room unless you happen to like Crawdad Curry, but the gardens were beautiful.

44 is going to be a good year!

A Holiday From Grief

2011-04-23T16:57:00.000-04:00

He is not here: for He is risen. (Matt. 28:6)

"May this Easter be full of blessing and comfort unutterable to all whose hearts are bereaved! 'He is not here, He is risen,' is as true today of our precious dead as of Him whom Mary and the disciples mourned so hopelessly, but who broke the bonds of the grave, and flung wide the doors of the great prison house to show us that the abode of the dead is really a place of light and life and joy."

JUST FOR TODAY

O sad-faced mourners, who each day are wending

Through churchyard paths damp with dew,

Leave for today the low graves you are tending,

And lift your eyes to God's eternal blue!

It is not time for bitterness or sadness;

Throughout the world, the glad tidings tell;

Let you souls thrill to the caress of gladness,

And answer the sweet chime of Easter bells.

If Christ were still within the grave's low prison,

A captive of the enemy we dread;

If from the dark and gloomy cell He had not risen,

Who then could dry the bitter tears you shed?

If Christ were dead, there would be need to sorrow,

But He has risen, and death no longer has the final say;

Hush, then, your sigh, if only till the morrow,

At Easter give your grief a holiday.

--May Riley Smith

(This is from one of my favorite books, Consolation, by Mrs. Chas. E. Cowman, c. 1944.)

Easter is my new favorite holiday. It used to be Christmas, of course, followed closely by my birthday. But after Anna died, those days lost their appeal. The gifts and the parties were lacking something. They were lacking someone. But Easter was different. After Anna died, I longed for Easter. I needed to celebrate that Jesus had the power over death. I needed to celebrate that there was a place prepared for me for eternity. I needed to celebrate that there was more to life than what I could see.

Today give your grief a holiday and celebrate.

A time to mourn...

2011-04-22T09:24:00.000-04:00

Today is Good Friday. Today is a day to focus on the suffering and death of Jesus. I hate suffering and death! I would like to skip today and go straight to Sunday.Ecclesiastes says that there is a time for everything--including a time to die, a time to weep, and a time to mourn.
Today is that time.
I don't like it.
I want to get past it.
I want to "fast forward".
Praise God that there is also a time to be born, a time to laugh, and a time to dance. Can you have one without the other? Can you have joy if you have never felt pain?
I don't think so.
So today we focus on the sadness and grief of Christ's death, so that on Sunday we can fully appreciate the time for joyful celebration.

You can't always get what you want...

2011-04-15T15:33:00.001-04:00

Awareness fuels discontent. Do you agree? I am content with my car until a newer model drives by. I am content with my cell phone until my friend shows me what her iphone can do. We are content with what we have as long as we aren't aware that something better/newer/flatter/bigger/smaller is out there. I saw this played out in my house today. This morning Will was so happy because Spring Break starts today. He was content with not having school. He never asked one time what we would be doing. He didn't care. But when he got off the bus today his face was downcast.
"Mom, EVERYONE is going somewhere for Spring Break. One kid is going on a cruise, and one kid is going to the beach, and another kids is going to the Great Wolf Lodge. When the teacher asked who was going on a trip this week, everyone raised their hand--except me!"
It didn't help that the lady at the bus stop had been telling me about her upcoming trip to Paris and Switzerland. My first thought was that we need to move because we cannot keep up with the "Joneses" around here ... but I really like the Joneses.
Then I remembered that not only am I aware of the people around me who have more. I am also aware of the people who have less. I know about Japanese refugees, the Haitian orphans, and the African AIDS victims. I know about the neighborhoods in East Richmond and South Oklahoma City. I've had tea in a mud hut. I've met boys who can't go to school because they don't have any shoes. I know that I have more than 90% of the world's population.
So I can choose to let my awareness fuel my discontent or I can choose to let my awareness spur me on to share what I have with those who have less. Hopefully my children will choose to look at what they have rather than what they don't have--either that or we will have to move...

What makes you happy?

2011-04-14T13:16:00.003-04:00

Going to Walmart does not usually make me happy. In fact, it usually makes me unhappy, but it's the only place I know where I can buy hay and horseradish at the same time. Today while I was shopping, I thought of things that make me happy...
The little Irish man at the front of the store telling me "Have a good day 'Shug'" makes me happy. (I will admit that sometimes these terms of endearment from strangers are annoying, but today it made me smile.)
A freezer full of popsicles ready to share with friends makes me happy.
Needing a brisket and finding one that has been marked down makes me happy.
Remembering to take my re-usable bags that I usually leave in the car makes me happy.
71 degrees makes me happy.
Birds singing makes me happy.
Being able to walk to my doctor's appointment this morning makes me happy.
Reading my friend Michelle's adoption blog as she brings her daughter home from China makes me happy.
Will getting a hit last night in his baseball game makes me happy--even though they lost.
Audra getting 5th place instead of last place in her race yesterday makes me happy, but not as happy as seeing the note she wrote on her hand...."Just finish!"
The neighbor asking Jacob to dog sit this weekend makes me happy since he is raising money to go on a mission trip this summer (Jacob not the neighbor).
Richard getting his Virginia Bar license makes me happy. (That's the legal kind of Bar license. Richard has not taken up bar tending. That would make me unhappy.)
A warm bed, a soft breeze, a coconut covered marshmallow, and not being allergic to the pollen that is covering everything in Richmond--all those things make me happy.
What makes you happy????

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

Thank you for the thank you

2011-04-12T19:11:00.000-04:00

...an encouraging word cheers a person up. (Proverbs 12:25)

Last week I received a thank-you note from someone who slept in Anna's Room two years ago. For those of you who don't know, Anna's Room is part of the Ronald McDonald Family Room at OU Children's Hospital. Three years ago we raised $12,000 to fund the room which is used by parents whose children are being treated in the hospital. (You can see pictures of the room at http://annajanesroom.blogspot.com/) Many of you donated money towards the room and I wanted you to see what it meant to one person. Then think about the hundreds of people who have used that room. Your donation made a difference.

Anna made a difference.

Marlo,

I just can't tell you how much Anna's Room means to me and my husband. I've been wanting to write you to let you know for nearly two years now, so I'm so glad to get in touch with you.

When I was 27 weeks pregnant with my twin girls, my ob/gyn sent me to Children's Hospital to see a specialist. I had a placental chorioangioma that was restricting the blood supply of one of the babies. Two days after we arrived in OKC, our baby girls were delivered. We had only packed a bag with clothes and things in it to last for a couple of days... We ended up staying in OKC for three months until my girls were able to leave the NICU.

About three days after my girls were born, it was time for me to leave the hospital. The Ronald McDonald House was full, so we expected we would have to stay in a hotel for awhile. Our doctor had heard of some special rooms in the hospital and inquired about us being able to stay there until a room at the McDonald House opened up. I was skeptical about staying in a room at the hospital. Not knowing what to expect, we opened the door to Anna's Room. I felt so much peace in that beautiful room. We were far away from home and had just been thrown into this new world of the NICU, doctors, etc., but for those first three days we stayed there, I felt peace that everything was going to be okay. We had Anna's Room packed with tons of flower arrangements, cookie bouquets, etc. We were made to feel like we could relax...that this would be our temporary home. I will never forget those first few days of my girls' lives... I would get up a few times in the night to pump breastmilk for the girls, then my husband would carry it down to the NICU. While I was pumping, I would pray for my girls and also think about Anna. I knew she was a special girl and that she was deeply loved by her family. I didn't know you, but I also thought about you, Marlo, and wondered what you would think about total strangers being so touched by Anna's legacy.

When a room became available at the McDonald House, we moved in. But, the last month our girls were in the NICU, they had been transferred to an area they call The Village, where parents can room in with their babies. It's a nice idea in theory, but it was a difficult time for us. Most other parents were at least able go home to take a shower and change clothes. Since we weren't able to do so, we again began staying in Anna's Room, using it as a respite for days when we needed to rest or take a shower. Again, I felt such peace everytime we walked through the door. Those days will always be in my heart and mind. I remember all the little details, like the pretty stationery on the desk, the coat hooks, the shabby chic basket beside the sink with nice lotion and soap, the sweet little books on the bookshelf and butterflies. Butterflies everywhere.

Shortly before we went back home to Tulsa, I asked the Family Room manager about Anna. We were actually standing in Anna's Room when she told me about Anna's life. She told me that you were a remarkable mother, a mom who loved her daughter so passionately. We both cried, and I felt so blessed to hear part of Anna's story. I prayed that day, right there in Anna's Room, that Anna would know how grateful we were to have been touched by her life.

Marlo, I want you to know how grateful we are to your family that you provided such a comfortable, calming and inspirational place for parents to stay. I know many, many other families have also been touched by Anna's Room and, more importantly, by Anna's life. My girls will be 2 next month, and they're doing very well. When they are older, I plan on showing them Anna's Room and telling them about your sweet girl.

Lots of love to you and your family.
Natalie

What a blessing to receive this note. What an encouragement to know that Anna's life continues to touch people.
Who can you send an encouraging word to this week? Who do you need to thank? It's never too late.

Got Fruit?

2011-04-10T11:09:00.000-04:00

Then Jesus told this story: “A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. Finally, he said to his gardener, ‘I’ve waited three years, and there hasn’t been a single fig! Cut it down. It’s just taking up space in the garden.’
“The gardener answered, ‘Sir, give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and I’ll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. If we get figs next year, fine. If not, then you can cut it down.’” (Luke 13:6-9)

How often do we just 'take up space'? How many chances do we get to bear fruit? Do we disappoint God when he comes looking for fruit in our lives? What 'special attention' do we need? What fertilizer do we need to add to our lives so that we will bear fruit?

Got fruit?
Why not?

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. (John 15:16)

Get Well Soon

2011-04-08T21:02:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I surprised my sister by flying to Wichita for my brother-in-law's bday weekend. He is home recovering from his bike accident 6 weeks ago. I wanted to share a couple of the notes he received while he was in the hospital. They made his day!

Dear Mr. Haught,

What is your favorite movie? What is your favorite animal? What is your favorite River? What is your favorite state? I like to eat donuts. I have a DS.

Love, K

Dear Mr. Haught,

I hope it dose'nt happen again. You should look both ways before you cross. And you can buy a light for your bicycle. Do you like sports? I like sports. My favorite sport is football. I am the Quarter Back. I like to play the keyboard, guitar, and the drums. I have two dogs. My dad was in the Airforce but he retired.

Love, A

Will-isms

2011-03-31T12:52:00.002-04:00

Getting three kids to three different schools in the morning requires precision timing. It's important to take Will to school in time to get back to the house before Audra's bus leaves. (To avoid making a trip to her school I check to make sure she has her backpack, computer, flute, and lunch. Also, I just like to say goodbye before she gets on the bus.) This morning we I was rushing to get out the door as usual. My kids inherited their dad's temperament with regard to time. They don't hurry. As I was saying "Let's go!" and rushing to make sure Will had his shoes, backpack, lunch and coat, he stopped me and said, "I bet I can set the record for the number of nose flares in one minute." "Excuse me???" "Look. See how fast I can do it."
He doesn't see the flurry of activity.
He doesn't notice the time.
And he expects me to stop and watch him flare his nostrils.

Last week Will informed us that he is the second best-looking boy in the 4th grade at his school.
"Oh, who is the best looking boy?"
"Stokely."
"And who told you that you were the second best-looking boy?"
"Stokely."

(PS. I changed the name above to protect the identity of the best-looking boy at school. There is only one person I know who would name his son Stokely and he lives in Oklahoma.)

Boasting about weaknesses...

2011-03-30T10:56:00.002-04:00

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me...When I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)

Do you know what your weaknesses are? We don't like to think about our weaknesses, but they are there whether we see them or not. Sometimes I see my weaknesses when I read about other people-- the busyness of Martha, the legalism of the Pharisees, the little faith of the disciples. This week I saw myself in a man named Korah. He was a leader among the Israelites when they were in the wilderness. He become discontent and led a rebellion against Moses.

"You (Moses)have gone too far! The whole community of Israel has been set apart by the Lord, and he is with all of us. What right do you have to act as though you are greater than the rest of the Lord's people?"

Now the Bible says that Moses was the most humble person EVER. Even though God used him to lead millions of people and spoke with him directly, Moses stayed humble. Moses was just doing the job God gave him to do. He responded to Korah's attack by saying,

"Does it seem insignificant to you that God has chosen you from among all Israel to be near him so you can serve in the Lord's Tabernacle and stand before the people to minister to them? Are you now demanding the Priesthood as well?"

God had given Korah a job to do--an important job--but he wasn't content with his assignment. He had ideas about how other people should be doing what God told them to do. He questioned the way they did things. He wanted to be in charge. Does that sound familiar to you? It does to me. God's response to Korah was to open up the earth and swallow him alive. I do not want to be like Korah!

While I was confessing my critical spirit God answered,

My child, isn't it enough for you to have the ministry I gave you? Do you have to be in charge of the music, the scheduling, and the color of the carpet? Does everything have to be done your way? How do you know your way is the best way? Didn't I create people to be unique--with different gifts, tastes, interests, and abilities? Do you want people to conform to your image or to mine? Rather than trying to get people to be more like you, you need to try to be more like me.

(Well, maybe I embellished that a bit with what I thought He would say, but I'm pretty sure I heard Him correctly on the last part.)

I am weak and God knows it. But he says that he works best through weak people. He works best through people who know they are not perfect. He works best through people who rely on his strength instead of their own. God can deal with my weaknesses. And if I acknowledge them before others, they will see that even though I am weak, the God in me is strong.

"Lord, conform me to your image. Other people can't see my attitudes, but you can. You are not content to judge my actions; you look at my heart. Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Ps 139-23-24)

An ever present help in times of trouble...

2011-03-28T11:51:00.000-04:00

O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:8)

Today I am burdened by divorce, death, unplanned pregnancy, grief, depression, cancer, persecution, and financial problems... and those are just some of the people on my prayer list. When I turn on the news I see war, destruction, homelessness, corruption, rape, and nuclear disaster. And I wonder, how am I to live in this "adulterous and sinful generation"? How do I keep from being overwhelmed by what is going on around me? Where do I run, when everything around me is falling apart?
Psalm 62 says, "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him." My hope is not in some vague idea that "everything will turn out okay." My hope is not in the government to fix everything. I cannot trust in my bank account to sustain me. The people around me may not always be there. I may not always be healthy.
Leaning on those things (good thoughts, health, money, government, other people) is like leaning on a spider's web. Such is the destiny of all who forget God... What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web. He leans on it, but it does not hold. (Job 8:13-15) If I lean on those things, I will fall. So what can I trust in?
Trust in the Lord (Psalm 4:5)
Trust in God's unfailing love (Psalm 13:5)
Trust in his holy name (Psalm 33:21)
Trust in his word (Psalm 119:42)
Do not be afraid... for the Lord your God is among you, and he is a great and awesome God. (Deut. 7:21)

(Lord, I am overwhelmed by the pain and suffering around me. Where can I turn? Only to you.)
He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. (Rev. 22:20)

A God of Timing

2011-03-25T10:31:00.004-04:00

(Note: Because I don't usually write every day, I have added an email notification bar on the right hand side of this page. Please sign up if you would like to receive an email when I've posted something new.)

Here's another story by Susie Rain you need to read. See how God was working, is working, and will continue to work in and through this man.

TOKYO—Excitement and happiness fill the air. Smiles and laughter abound. Tears of joy well up in some eyes.

More than a week after the onset of Japan’s triple disaster, everyone is ready for something to celebrate. The perfect opportunity for a small group of Japanese Christians comes in a double baptism.

When Shinichi Saito bobs up out of the water, everyone breaks out in applause.

No one was sure this day would take place. The baptism was originally scheduled for March 12, but that didn’t happen because of the March 11 earthquake and tsunami.

Saito and his wife did not want to wait any longer so the baptism was rescheduled for the following week.

“It’s the only day I could do it,” Saito explains about the urgency he felt. “If we didn’t do it today, I don’t know if I could be spiritually prepared in my heart for all that my work duties demand in the midst of this disaster.”

Saito is a city councilman and works primarily in the volunteer office and with the physically disabled. The day of the earthquake, it was his job to find ways home for the physically disabled because there were no trains running or transport of any kind. Since the quake, his job has shifted to organizing volunteer efforts.

The councilman points out that God is a “God of timing.” Saito says it was providence that he happened to be rolling his wheelchair through the lobby of city hall a few months ago at the same time that a missionary was prayerwalking the building. Saito stopped to find out what the foreigner needed and from there a friendship blossomed that led to a Bible study, a church start and now two baptisms — all in just a few short months.

Saito feels the timing of everything, including the baptism, has to do with God preparing him for his upcoming duties in this disaster.

“God has put me in a position to help people using resources that most do not have access to,” Saito says. “Now that I am part of the family of God, I have brothers and sisters to call on as volunteers.

“Without even thinking, I can trust the Christian volunteers,” he says, adding that trust and relationships are important in Japanese society. “I can do this because I sense that we are a family. Being a Christian isn’t just a job, we are actually a family, so there’s a level of trust that will help this country rebuild.”

You read yesterday about how the Japanese do not trust people they do not know. Now you see how God put a Christian in charge of the volunteers in Tokyo. This man can call on other Christians to come in and help his country because he knows he can trust them. They are family.

God's hands in Japan

2011-03-24T09:33:00.000-04:00

Here's a story from Japan that I thought you should read. If the Japanese people cannot trust in someone they can see, how can they trust in the One they can't see?

"Just 30 miles from Fukushima Daiichi’s troubled nuclear plant, anyone in the town of Soma, Japan who could evacuate did. But thousands still remain, squeezed into a high school gymnasium serving as a makeshift shelter.

Children try to play but there’s not much room. Some people sit and stare off into the distance, in a state of shock. Others talk in low murmurs, reliving the horrors of the past two weeks.

Everyone wondered what was going on when an empty bus pulls up outside the shelter and a young, energetic Japanese man jumps out and bounds into the packed gym. The stench of 2,000 people living for days in a confined space startles Koji Imanishi, but it doesn’t deter him from his task — offering a free ride and a place to stay outside of the nuclear danger zone.

Six hundred people gather around the 30-year-old but instead of rushing to get on the bus, they drill him with questions — suspicious of his intentions. Why would a stranger risk his own health by driving into danger to rescue them? Why would anyone offer something for free?

“I am just following God’s leading,” Imanishi answers. “He teaches Christians to show His love.”

The young man assures the group the offer is totally free, no strings attached — all they have to do is get on the bus. After a lot of discussion, 31 people finally decide to board and relocate to Imanishi’s vacant company building just outside of Chiba, about 90 miles away.

The scene didn’t quite play out like Imanishi imagined when the idea first came to him. He envisioned an overflowing bus. But, as he explains, this is the “Japanese way.”

“People do not easily trust here,” he says. “They are suspicious until you create a relationship, even in times of crisis.”

Imanishi first found this shelter two days earlier, when an employee mentioned that some of his friends had not been able to evacuate. Imanishi’s heart ached for their suffering, so he jumped in his small car to rescue them.

The trip was arduous. Because he didn’t have the special government permits needed to travel the expressway, Imanishi drove the back roads, where gas and supplies are scarce.

“It is hard to describe the damage — it’s so massive, but the worst thing I saw was the state of the people,” Imanishi says. “There were thousands in one space. No room to move. It was so cold.

“I felt in my heart that this was not a place of hope,” Imanishi continues. “I left that first day broken because I could only take three people in my small car.”

Imanishi spent the next day petitioning government offices to send evacuation buses to the shelter. He was told 4,000 people had already been relocated from the area. The needs throughout northeastern Japan are so great right now, he was told, the best thing for the people is to stay put.

The answer did not satisfy Imanishi, so he prayed. He remembered the fear he felt after the earthquake and knew people in the shelter needed someone to share their pain and fear.

“I just decided to offer assistance by myself,” Imanishi says. “People don’t trust or think about the meaning of the Lord here in Japan. I’m a Christian and the nature of the Lord is to offer assistance and love.

“I have no money, but I had no choice but to help,” he adds. “I just prayed, ‘Show me the way, Lord.’”

Members of Imanishi’s family and house church rallied to help pull the plan together. One person with government connections lined up permits to travel into the disaster zone. Another found a bus company. Others prepared the empty building for the evacuees.

“I know it is not much, in the big picture of this situation,” Imanishi says. “But if we can help just one person and let him experience the love of the Lord, then we’ve done our part.”

Imanishi is asking Christians around the world to join his house church in praying that the Japanese will learn to trust in the "free gift" Jesus has to offer. Pray also that supplies, food, blankets and water make it to the shelters throughout the disaster zone."

(Original article by Susie Rain, imb correspondent)

Have you received God's free gift of salvation? All you have to do is trust in the one he sent (Jesus) and get on the bus.

Spring means...

2011-03-23T17:39:00.000-04:00

Out with the old...

And in with the new...

If your son only wears one pair of shoes you need to check them every now and then for holes. Don't wait until someone in their class asks them when they are going to get new shoes. And if at all possible, make sure the new ones are purple because purple shoes are "sick".

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)

Spring has Sprung

2011-03-22T11:33:00.003-04:00

The hillsides blossom with joy... (Psalm 65:32)

When everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe

And what was frozen through is newly purposed

Turning all things green

So it is with You

And how You make me new

With every season’s change

And so it will be

As You are re-creating me

Summer

Autumn

Winter

Spring

(From the song "Every Season" by Nichole Nordeman)

Among Thorns

2011-03-21T13:47:00.002-04:00

The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. (Mark 4:18-19)

According to this verse there are three things than can make us unfruitful.
   -the worries of this life
   -the deceitfulness of wealth
   -the desires for other things

When I desire other things instead of God's kingdom, I am unfruitful. When my focus is on finding the perfect paint color and the perfect lamp, I am unfruitful. When I spend my time shopping for things I don't really need, I am unfruitful. When I worry about money, I am unfruitful. When I am not content with what I have, I am unfruitful. When I worry about what is going to happen tomorrow, I am unfruitful.

(But) the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!

When I hear God's word and put it into practice, I can be fruitful. When I reach out to my neighbor, I can be fruitful. When I call a friend, I can be fruitful. When I trust God to know what I need, I can be fruitful. When I spend more time on things that matter and less time on things that don't, I can be fruitful.

Don't get choked by the thorns of life--be fruitful!

A Touchy Question...

2011-03-17T12:53:00.000-04:00

"How many children do you have?" An innocent, yet fully loaded question for me. My answer depends on who is asking. Today it was a nurse at my new doctor's office. I knew that what she was really asking was, "How many live births have you had?" So I answered, "Four." Anna's death had nothing to do with my reproductive health so I didn't really want to talk about it. A visit to the gynecologist is bad enough without adding additional emotional stress. But later in the interview, the nurse wanted to know the sex and birth years of my children. That's when I lost it. I started crying, "I don't have four living children. One of them died." Then I kept getting mixed up on all the years when everyone was born and died and the nurse was having trouble understanding so I had to repeat myself--while crying. Whew! I was glad when that part of the visit was over! After I donned my designer gown I decided to calm myself down by reading the copy of my chart that was sitting there. Boy was I surprised to see that I was allergic to sulfa drugs and that I had had a hysterectomy. It was not my chart! I had sent for my Oklahoma records back in January and they sent someone else's records with someone else's name on every page. BIG MISTAKE. I called them right away and STRONGLY (notice I did not say rudely) informed them of their error. They got the fax number and sent the correct records immediately. I left the other woman's records with the new doctor and I assume she will destroy them or send them back.
The new doctor is very nice. When she saw that I had lost a child she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. How are you doing with that?" I told her that in spite of what her nurse might say, I am doing as well as could be expected. Then she asked why it had been so long since I'd seen a doctor. I said, "Well, I'm a grown up now and sometimes it's hard to make yourself do things that are good for you." She laughed and said, "You mean people aren't counting the days until they get to see me?" I said, "Oh I was counting the days, but not in a good way!"

Funny Story.... Will had a friend spend the night this week. When I asked them what they wanted for breakfast, Will's friend said, "I don't care what we have, but I don't like strawberries and I don't like cheesecake."
Lucky for him, we hardly ever have strawberry cheesecake for breakfast!

Winning Team

2011-03-16T17:26:00.000-04:00

If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels. (Mark 8:38)

Everyone wants to be associated with the winning team. Sometimes being a Christian can feel like rooting for the Steelers while sitting in the middle of a bunch of Packer fans. We love our team and are faithful followers, but we keep our mouths closed. If we cheer for our team we might get dirty looks, negative comments, or even worse. We are too afraid to take off our coats and show our team colors.
So what should we do? Do we stay safe and keep our mouths closed? Do we become Packer fans just because we are surrounded by Packer fans? NO! We don't have to be afraid. We don't have to keep our mouths closed. Because no matter what it looks like, we know we are on the winning team!!!!! The Son of Man will come in his Father's glory with the holy angels. So don't be ashamed of Him in this world.
Be bold. Be brave. Cheer for your team!

I can't imagine

2011-03-15T10:45:00.000-04:00

I've tried, but I can't. I can't imagine what it must be like. I watch the news reports and see the faces of the people, but I can't put myself in their place. I can't imagine how it would feel to see your home swept out to sea. I can't imagine what it would be like to wander around searching for your family. I can't imagine being trapped in rubble. I can't imagine going to the grocery store and not finding any groceries. I can't imagine being cold, hungry, and helpless. I can't imagine trying to sleep in a shelter with hundreds of other people. I can't imagine surviving an earthquake, a tsunami, and then having to worry about a nuclear explosion.
I crawl into my warm soft bed and think about people sleeping on the cold floor. I open my pantry full of food and think about people standing in line to buy...anything. I get in my car and think about the piles and piles of battered cars. I look at my husband and I see a man on his bicycle riding around showing people a picture of his wife and asking if they've seen her.

Mourn with those who mourn. (Hebrews 12:15)

"Identification with others in their sorrows is a Christian's privilege and responsibility."
I can't physically touch the hurting people in Japan, but I can pray. I can pray for the rescue workers to have strength and endurance as they face an overwhelming task. I can pray that God would lead rescuers to any survivors who are still waiting to be found. I can pray for families to be reunited. I can pray for the missionaries there to know what to do when there is so much to do. I can pray that the Japanese will lean on the Rock that cannot be shaken.
Will you join me?

Feeling Lucky?

2011-03-14T09:05:00.001-04:00

When my sister first called me to tell me about Marc's accident, I began praying for two things--an attitude of gratitude and a different perspective. I knew that both of those things would help them through this very difficult time. You saw in the last post (by the way, that is NOT a recent picture) that they both have thankful hearts. Their gratitude is a direct result of their new perspective.
On Friday the speech therapist came to evaluate Marc. His speech is fine, but I think she was looking for signs of a head injury so she wanted to make sure he could answer questions appropriately. The first thing she did was tell him a story about a man who got hit by a delivery truck. After he was hit, he walked to a nearby convenience store to get help. While he was in the store, a robber came in and made everyone give him their money. When she finished the story she asked my brother-in-law, "Was the man in the story lucky?" Marc answered, "Yep." It wasn't the answer the therapist expected to hear so she said, "Really? Why do you think he was lucky?" "Well, he got hit by a truck and he was able to walk away. Then he was involved in a robbery and he didn't get shot." Well, when you look at it that way, that was one lucky guy!
That is probably NOT the answer Marc would have given before all this happened (of course two weeks ago no one would have been asking him questions like that), but it's the answer he has today--because now he has a new perspective. Now he is thankful to be alive.
I remember sitting at dinner one night several years ago and crying. I had read Philippians 4:11 which said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances," but I was NOT content. I didn't like my circumstances. When I looked at my family sitting there, all I could see was the empty chair. I was only focused on what I didn't have, not on what I had. Today the empty chair is still there, but now I can see what else is there. I can see the people who are there rather than focusing on the one who isn't. I have had to change the way I look at things. I have had to change my perspective.
It's not easy and it doesn't just happen one time. It's a decision I make every day. Sigh. Just this morning when I opened my dresser drawer, I saw Anna's Baby laying there. I touched the tangled hair that my sweet daughter stroked thousands of times for comfort. I caressed the little pink dress that hid a broken body repaired by one of our nurses in Delaware. And I was overcome with emotion. I grieved my loss again. I was tempted to pick up that doll and crawl into bed and cry. Instead, I closed the drawer and went to fix breakfast for my other three kids. Do I still get sad? Yes. Do I have to stay there? No.
What is your perspective? Are you seeing what you have or focusing on what you don't have? Without having a near death experience, can you be like Marc and feel lucky for being alive? It's not something that comes easy or naturally, but it is something you can learn.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:11-13)

An attitude of gratitude

2011-03-11T10:39:00.001-05:00

My brother-in-law (or as I used to call him when he would tickle-torture me, 'the big brother I never wanted') was moved to a rehab hospital yesterday. He is still in a lot of pain from three surgeries and many broken bones, but he is making progress. My sister is doing great and is so thankful. Every day she focuses on something different. One day she spent the whole day being thankful that his arms weren't broken. When people would comment about how terrible the accident was, she would say, "Yes it was, but we are so thankful that he can use his arms!" The day after his third surgery they were both thankful that Marc could drink whatever he wanted. This morning she was thankful that at the rehab hospital the nurses don't come in at night to take your vital signs so they were able to sleep.
She is thankful for someone volunteering to build a ramp at their house. She is thankful for the gift cards people have given her so that she doesn't have to cook. She is thankful that the new hospital is close to home. She is thankful that our mom did her laundry. She is thankful for an understanding principal at the school where she teaches. She is thankful for the snacks that friends have brought her. She is thankful that her husband is alive!
She could be very angry. She could be asking why this happened. She could be depressed. Instead, she has chosen to be thankful for what she has. She has chosen to see the good instead of focusing on the bad. She has chosen the better way.

Who is this man?

2011-03-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

If only I could see Jesus, then I would believe.
If only God would do a miracle, then I would believe.
If only God would (fill in the blank), then I would believe.
Really? Are you sure?
Would you believe God if he led you through your day with a pillar of fire?
Would you believe God if he rained down food from heaven?
Would you believe God if he freed you from slavery and led you across a sea on dry land?
Maybe.
After the ten spies talked the rest of the Israelites out of obeying God and taking possession of the promised land, God said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them? They have all seen my glorious presence and the miraculous signs I performed both in Egypt and in the wilderness, but again and again they have tested me by refusing to listen to my voice." (Numbers 14:11,22)
Did you get that? The Israelites saw God's presence in the fire and in the cloud that led them through the wilderness. They saw miraculous signs in Egypt and in the desert. God was with them. But again and again they refused to listen to Him. They refused to trust Him. They refused to believe.

But they are not the only ones.
Jesus' closest friends saw him perform miracles. They walked with him. They talked with him. They knew him better than anyone else and yet when they were on the boat in the storm they panicked. Jesus asked them, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" (Mark 4:40) Then he commanded the waves to be still. When the disciples saw that Jesus even controlled the wind and waves, they were terrified and cried out, "Who is this man?"(Mk.4:41)
Sometimes we too are surprised by Jesus. We think we know him and then he does something out of the ordinary. We think we understand his ways and then he rocks our world and we cry, "Who is this?"

Jesus traveled around and did many miracles--except in Nazareth. In his own home town they did not accept him. And because of their unbelief, he couldn't do any miracles among them except to place his hand on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their unbelief. (Mk. 6:5-6)
What about us? Is Jesus amazed at our unbelief after all these years? Does he say to us as he said to his disciples, "Do you still have no faith?" Is our unbelief keeping him from doing miracles among us?

After feeding 5,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish, Mark says that the disciples still didn't understand the significance of the miracle because their hearts were too hard to take it in. (Mk. 6:52)
How often is my heart too hard to take in his miracles? How often do I miss the significance of what he does?
Don't you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? You have eyes. Can't you see? You have ears. Can't you hear? Don't you remember anything at all? (Mk. 8:17-18)
The words of Jesus in Mark 8 sound an awful lot like the words of God in Numbers 14.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss out on the promised land. I don't want to have a hard heart or eyes that fail to see what God is doing. I want to remember what he has done in the past and be sensitive to what he is doing today.
Do you still have no faith?
What will it take for you to believe?

How do you feel?

2011-03-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

During the Exodus, Moses sent 12 men to spy out the Promised Land before they went in to take possession of it. These men were well-respected leaders of their tribes of tens of thousands of people. But how many of these men can you name? Even if you are familiar with the story, I bet you can't name more than two. Why do we remember Joshua and draw a blank on Shammua, Shaphat, and Igal? Why do we name our sons Caleb and not Palti, Gaddi, or Nahbi? We only remember the two men who trusted God. Only two men believed that God would do what he promised. Only two men trusted in what they could not see. Ten men trusted in their own strength instead of in God. Ten men are forgotten.
When the spies went into the land, they found that it was exactly the way God had described it--flowing with milk and honey (and very large grapes apparently). But in spite of its beauty and God's promise, 10 men shrank back. Their fear kept them from obeying God and taking possession of the land. God had told them they were his special possession. God had promised to go with them. He told them not to be afraid because he would fight for them. And their response was,
"We can't attack those people. They are bigger than we are!"
Did they forget the plagues? Did they forget the angel of death that passed over them? Leaving Egypt? Crossing the Red Sea? Eating manna???? They had seen God's mighty power and yet when they compared themselves with the people living in the land, they felt like grasshoppers. Because they "felt" like grasshoppers, they became like grasshoppers--insignificant, small, forgettable.
You are what God says you are--worthy, loved, valuable, precious--not what you feel like. So be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be discouraged! And if God tells you to do something, don't talk yourself out of it.
Don't live by your feelings. Live by faith!

A God of Details

2011-03-04T11:52:00.000-05:00

Today I received comfort from the book of Numbers. Have you ever read Numbers? It's a lot of ...well, numbers! In chapter 3 God tells Moses "I have taken the Levites from among the Israelites in place of the first male offspring of every Israelite woman. The Levites are mine, for all the firstborn are mine. When I struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, I set apart for myself every firstborn in Israel, whether man or animal. They are to be mine. I am the Lord." (Translation: Every firstborn male is to be set apart as belonging to God, but he will take the whole tribe of Levi as belonging to him instead. The Levites will serve God and he will be their inheritance.)
In order to complete this redemption Moses had to count the number of Levite males (22,000) and then he had to count the number of firstborn Israelite males (22,273). When I read that I thought, "Hey neat, that's pretty close to being the same!" If I were God, I would have just rounded down and called it an even trade. But God doesn't do that. Every person counted! He said, "To redeem the 273 firstborn Israelites who exceed the number of the Levites, collect five shekels for each one."
So Moses collected the redemption money from those who exceeded the number redeemed by the Levites. He collected silver weighing 1,365 shekels and he gave it to the priest and his sons as was commanded God.
In my journal I actually did the math, 273 extra sons x 5 pieces of silver = 1,365!
God is a God of details. He knows exactly what is happening and every person counts!
This is comforting today as I ache for my sister and brother-in-law. He was hit by a FedEx truck last night while riding his bicycle (training for a triathlon). When I talked to my sister, she wasn't even sure what all was broken, but the injuries are from head to toe.
My sister doesn't know what all is involved, but God does! He knows every detail of Marc's body. "Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid" (Matt10:29-31) (Translation: No one can get hit by a FedEx truck without God knowing it. And all your broken bones are numbered. So don't be afraid).
Proverbs 10:25 doesn't say IF you have storms in this life, it says, WHEN the storms of life come, the wicked are whirled away, but the godly have a lasting foundation.
I am thankful that our family has a rock to stand on during the storms of this life. We cannot understand WHY these things happen, but we can trust in the one who knows what is happening and who cares about the details.

"Marlo, Marlo" or "Lessons I've learned from Mary and Martha"

2011-03-01T10:02:00.000-05:00

I love reading the story of Mary and Martha in Luke chapter 11. I am so like Martha and yet I long to be like Mary who was always at the feet of Jesus. In the story Martha starts out good by opening her home to Jesus and inviting him in. (Jesus the Messiah in MY house? Yes, yes! Come in, come in!) She wanted him there. She was honored by his presence. So after he comes in and sits down and begins teaching, what does Martha do? She starts serving him. There was much to do and someone had to do it, but she gets so distracted by all the preparations that she doesn't even take the time to listen to Jesus. God in the flesh is sitting in her living room teaching and she is washing the dishes. (Sounds like someone I know.) Eventually her stress builds up and she not only gets mad at her sister, who is sitting at his feet listening to what he says, but she rebukes Jesus himself, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
(Lord, don't you care that I have to do everything around here? Don't you care that I teach a class, serve at the food pantry, lead a prayer group, volunteer at the church, and write cards to my friends who are sick? Well, somebody has to teach Vacation Bible School, bake a cake for the bake sale, volunteer in the lunch room, and organize the next potluck! I have so much to do. Don't you care? Tell someone to help me!)
"Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
(Marlo, Marlo, don't let your service to me keep you from sitting at my feet. Don't get so busy that you aren't listening to what I am saying. There will always be more people to serve, more cards to write, more lessons to prepare, more cakes to bake. But what you learn from me can never be taken away from you.)

Later after their brother Lazarus had died, we see Mary once again at the feet of Jesus, but this time she is crying. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw Mary weeping he was deeply moved and he also wept.
Not only are we to listen and learn at the feet of Jesus, but we are to grieve at the feet of Jesus. Go to him with your pain and your questions. Fall at his feet and you will find mercy and compassion.

The third time we see Mary at the feet of Jesus is six days before the Passover. Jesus had come to a dinner given in his honor. Martha is again serving, but apparently she is also listening because we don't hear her complaining. During the dinner, Mary takes a very expensive bottle of perfume and pours in on Jesus' feet and wipes it with her hair. This sounds unusual to us, but this would have also been unusual to the people who were there. Why? (1) Oil was usually poured on someone's head as a blessing, not their feet. (2) A respectable woman would never unbind her hair in public. And (3) it was the job of the servants to attend to someone's feet. If Mary had worried about what other people thought, she would never have done what she did. But she had learned to listen and learn at the feet of Jesus. She had learned to grieve at the feet of Jesus. Now her only thought was to worship at the feet of Jesus.

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet are those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation (Isaiah 52:7)

Choose what is better. Fall at his feet and listen, grieve, and worship. What you gain there will not be taken away from you.

Happy Potatoes

2011-02-24T12:29:00.002-05:00

Will is better! He finally got his energy back on Tuesday after nine days of being tired. Here he is trying to catch up on his schoolwork.

I'm better too. Today is the day we received Anna's cancer diagnosis six years ago. Wow, that sounds like a LONG time and yet the memories can make it seem like yesterday. Most of the time I choose to leave those bad memories packed up and out of my way. It's really hard to function if you are replaying the bad stuff over and over--especially when there are so many GOOD things to think about.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. (Phil. 4:8)

On Monday the kids were out of school for President's Day. Jacob went snow tubing with the youth group from church. I tried to copy the picture of him off of Facebook, but it's tiny. Look closely. He is wearing shorts!

Because Will had been cooped up all last week I decided to fulfill his life-long dream of going to the Ripley's Believe it Or Not Museum in Williamsburg. Audra went along for the ride, because after all, who wouldn't want to see a portrait of Abraham Lincoln made out of butterflies?

Or an outfit made out of guitar picks?

Or this scene from "Rocky" that is made up entirely of words from the script.

(Notice Will's tired eyes.)

Or stand beside the world's tallest man?

When we got home, Will fell asleep on the couch and I had to go pick up Jacob so I asked Audra to peel the potatoes for dinner. When I got back I found these...

I had already tossed a few into the pot before I realized what a treasure they were and took a picture. She did her work cheerfully don't you think? I LOVE my show-tune singing, rabbit-dressing, smiley-potato girl!

The sun will come out tomorrow.....maybe

2011-02-18T17:42:00.000-05:00

Will is sick. The doctor says it's probably the flu which means he'll get over it eventually. But it's been six days. Six days of fever. Six days of laying on the couch. Six days of staying home. Six days of trying to find something that he will eat. Six days of taking his temperature. Six days of hoping that tomorrow will be better.
It's all very familiar. Even though I know in my head that Will will be fine, the feelings that have been stirred up in my heart are exactly the same as the ones I used to have. Anna was sick for almost three years. Three years of being confined to the house. Three years of laying on the couch. Three years of trying to find things she would eat. Three years of taking her temperature. Three years of being aware that every laugh, every family dinner, every walk outside, every breath is a gift. Three years of hoping the next day would be better.
Hopefully Will's fever will be gone tomorrow and so will my anxiety. Do I have to go through this every time one of my children is sick? Every time one of my grandchildren is sick? Maybe. Or perhaps there is a way out...

I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

I found it...and I wasn't even looking

2011-02-16T09:30:00.002-05:00

Do you remember back in December when I lost my ring? I thought it was gone for good. But this morning I found it! I was cleaning out the hall closet and decided to go through the glove box to see if there were any we could get rid of. When I pulled out all the gloves, there was my ring sitting on the bottom of the box! It must have come off in my gloves. I had looked in my gloves, but I had never looked in the box. I never even thought to do that. I would never have cleaned out that box except Will has been sick for four days and I am running out of things I can do while sitting in the living room with him.
As I sat down to write this post, I read back through my December 7 entry and remembered the fear I battled during those first days and weeks of Anna's diagnosis. It made me think about a friend of mine who is fighting cancer. Last night I talked to her daughter and she told me that her mom said, "I need something to look at." Just before I started cleaning out the closet, I put a card in the mail to her with a verse on it about God delivering us from our fears. I thought she could look at that verse and meditate on it. But now I think God showed me where the ring was so that I could pass it on to her. I think she needs to wear a physical reminder to trust God during this hard time--just like I needed to six years ago.

So hello ring and goodbye. I have learned to trust God without you reminding me. Someone else needs you now.

My funny valentine

2011-02-15T09:42:00.001-05:00

Valentine's Day is NOT my favorite holiday. It's not because I don't love my husband or that he doesn't love me. It's not that I hate chocolate and flowers. It's because since 2005 it's been a day associated with sickness. That year we had planned to go out, but Anna was sick with what we thought was a virus. I remember how blissfully ignorant I was of events that were about to unfold a few days later when we received her cancer diagnosis.
The next year, she was sick with a fungal infection and having trouble breathing. The next year we were flying to Delaware for surgery and got snowed in in Chicago. The next year she was gone and Audra was sick. Last year I think it was Jacob and this year it's Will.
So forget the romance and the candlelight dinners and pass the chicken noodle soup and Gatorade. After all, it's like Richard's mom told me, "Every day is Valentines Day when you are married to a Salamy."

Funny Story:
Last week I came home and showed Will the new carrot peeler I bought. (I love carrots and I wore out my old peeler.) He looked at me funny and I said, "Did Dad buy me a carrot peeler?" He said, "I'm not saying." So I put the one I bought back in the bag and hid it in my closet--just in case. Then this weekend we were at the mall and Richard said that he was going to buy me some striped socks (they were on my Christmas list, but I didn't get any). He said, "Since you are here, why don't you just pick some out." I called my sister later and said, "I think Richard got me a carrot peeler and socks for Valentines Day." It turns out that he also got me a nice wallhanging that matches my new green kitchen. After I opened it I asked, "Where's my carrot peeler?" He forgot he had that and swears that it was never intended to be a Valentine's gift.

Another Funny Story:
While we were at the mall, I was shopping with Audra while Richard and Will were at the Apple Store. After buying Audra some shoes at Dillards, I thought I would look in the lingerie department. (I haven't given up all hope for a romantic Valentine's Day someday.) Audra looked around at the negligees and said, "I just don't get this stuff? Why would you wear these? Do women wear them under their clothes?" I said, "Let's go find Dad and Will." After dropping her off, I was headed back to Dillards and happened to pass Victorias Secret. Oh well, why not? When I walked in, the salesgirl asked if I was looking for anything in particular. I told her I needed a nightgown. She said, "Most of the cotton is in the back."
Well!
Maybe I just look like I like cotton. Maybe I was wearing a lacy negligee under my jeans and sweater!
Sigh.
No.
She was right.
I like cotton.
I like striped socks and carrot peelers.
And I will spend another Valentines Day with throw up bowls and thermometers.

Oh well, maybe next year!

My time is in his hands

2011-02-10T11:00:00.002-05:00

Richard has been out of town the last two weekends. While he was gone, I became afraid. I wasn't afraid of robbers or something happening to one of the kids. I was afraid of locking myself out of the house. I became OCD about making sure I had the keys at all times. Sometimes when I would go to meet Will at the bus stop, I took two sets of keys just to be sure I could get back in.

Last Friday when I had my Mom's In Touch group over I asked them to pray that I wouldn't get locked out of the house. One of them asked, "Why don't you give your neighbors a key?" Then they told me about all the people who had keys to their houses "just in case". I thought that was a great idea so when Richard got back, he went to Lowe's and had five extra keys made. Whew! I didn't have to worry about getting locked out anymore!

Today when Richard asked me what I was going to do with my time, I said, "Oh, I have lots to do, but my time is in His hands." (I had just read-- My times are in your hands. Ps 31:15--earlier that morning.)

I started my day by finishing painting the kitchen (Yea!). Then I began the clean up. I swept, wiped, and gathered my supplies. Then I went to put the paint can out on the back porch. Our little 12 pound dog heard the door open. She thinks she has to go outside every time anyone else does, but I wasn't really going outside. I was just setting the paint can on the porch so I didn't let her out and I didn't close the door all the way. As I turned back to go inside, the dog lunged at the door and closed. And YES IT WAS LOCKED! I was locked outside with no shoes, no coat, and dressed in a paint shirt! The five new keys were no help at all because they were sitting in the kitchen. With the temperature just above freezing and a light dusting of snow on the ground I had to go for help. I couldn't afford to be prideful or try to figure things out on my own OR I WOULD FREEZE. I couldn't even go the two blocks to my friend's house because I didn't have shoes. I ran to four nearby houses before I found someone who was home. It happened to be a neighbor I had never met. I quickly introduced myself and asked if I could come inside and use his phone. He let me in and we had a nice visit while I waited for Richard to come home. My neighbor kept asking if I wanted to borrow some shoes :-)

SO, I guess today, meeting my neighbor was more important than shopping for Valentines Day or cleaning the bathrooms. What adventure does God have in store for you today?

Blessed?

2011-02-09T11:39:00.000-05:00

No one anticipated or celebrated the coming of Christ more than his cousin John the Baptist. He was the first to proclaim Jesus publicly. Behold the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world. He acknowledged the greatness of Jesus and humbled himself. I am not worthy to baptize you. He pointed his followers to Jesus. He must become greater and I must become less. He was the forerunner of Christ foretold by Isaiah. He was a divine gift given to aging, barren parents. Jesus said of him, among those born of women there is no one greater.
But instead of being blessed with popularity, prosperity, and a long life, John was thrown into prison and eventually beheaded. As he sat in his cell and awaited his fate, he began to question what he believed--until finally he sent someone to ask Jesus, Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?
(Hey Jesus, I thought you were the Messiah. I mean I saw the dove and all and God told me that was the sign. But now I'm not sure. I mean, where's the kingdom? Where's the power? And why am I sitting here in prison????)

Jesus responded,

Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.

Then he added this...

Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.

Why would anyone fall away on account of someone who is giving sight to the blind, making lame people walk, curing leprosy, opening ears, and raising the dead? Unless of course he doesn't. Unless you are sitting in a prison cell and not a single miracle is coming your way--not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Surely if anyone deserved a miracle, John did. If anyone deserved deliverance, John did. Jesus had the power to save John and he didn't.

Blessed is the man who doesn't fall away on account of the One who does all this for others, but who sometimes leaves you in your prison, with death just outside the door. (Mark Buchanan, Things Unseen)

Jesus declared the most unlikely people blessed--the poor, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst, those who are persecuted. He told Thomas, because you have seen me, you have believed, but blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. So why are the poor, persecuted, grieving people who have never touched the risen Christ or received one of his miracles blessed? Perhaps it's because those people are forced to walk by faith.

Faith is the the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. (Hebrews 11:1) Without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him (11:6).

Your faith cannot be dependent upon whether or not your child is healed, whether or not you get the promotion you deserve, whether or not this life is "fair". If your faith depends on what happens to you in this life, then the Bible says you are to be pitied. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied above all others. (1Cor.15:19)

Miracles are meant to point to something bigger, more real, more alive, than themselves. But when faith comes to depend on miracles, it ends up mistaking the sign for the destination, the shadow for the substance...Blessed are those who don't need the sign or the shadow. (Things Unseen)

Blessed are those who believe regardless of whether or not their sickness is cured, their relationship is mended, or their business is profitable. Blessed are those who are not relying on signs or shadows. Blessed are those who are seeking someone and not something.

We hope in Christ not just because He feeds us, or heals us, or routs our enemies. Indeed, sometimes he doesn't do any of that; sometimes He turns us away empty-bellied, cancer-ridden, defeated. No, we hope in Christ because of who He is, because He has the words of eternal life, and because anyone who feeds on this bread will live forever. (Things Unseen)

Blessed are those who do not fall away on account of Jesus.

A work in progress...

2011-02-04T11:20:00.000-05:00

"I like it."

"Why do you want to change it?"

"It's so neutral."

"It looks fine."

I heard all of those things and yet I KNEW my kitchen was supposed to be green. So, a few weeks ago I started tearing off the wallpaper. When Richard got home he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were going to do that." I reminded him that I have been talking about painting the kitchen for a year. "Yeah, but I didn't know it was going to be today." Once you start ripping off wallpaper, you pretty much have to do something. There's no going back.

Here's what the walls looked like when we moved in--beige stripes.

Here's what was underneath the striped paper--flowered paper that had been painted over--UGH!

I took off what I could, then spackled over everything, sanded it, and painted over it with a primer.

Here's some of the greens I tried--No. No. No.

I finally found one I liked! It's called "Soothing Green Tea".

I am so thankful for a husband who lets me choose the colors in our house even though the optometrist says I'm color blind.

I don't think I'm color-blind. I just think I see the world in a different light...

Here are my supplies. The most important one is the tea cup--Ginger Peach with honey please.

I did the best I could with what I had, but don't look too closely when you come over!

It's NOT perfect.

Here's where we are keeping the dish drainer, flour, sugar, butter, and fruit until I finish.

Richard doesn't think the window seat is the best place for his coffee maker.

The first coat...

The second coat...

And one wall finished!

I was feeling very proud of myself and couldn't wait for my Mom's In Touch friends to come see what I had done. The first one walked in the kitchen, looked around and said, "Do you like the color?"

YES I DO!

The Ministry of the Night

2011-02-03T08:21:00.000-05:00

Let us not forget what the sorrow has done for us while it lasted; and what the night has been, though dark and sad. It has been a night of grief, yet a night of blessing; a night in which there may have been many things which we could wish forgotten, yet many more which we should wish to be remembered forever... It was then that the Lord drew near, and the world was displaced, and self was smitten, and our will conquered, and faith grew, and hope became brighter, and the things that are unseen were felt to be real and true; Jerusalem above was seen by us as our proper home.

--Horatius Bonar

What is it?

2011-02-01T14:18:00.002-05:00

After the Israelites left Egypt and were complaining of being hungry, God sent "thin flakes like frost on the ground". When the people saw it they said, "What is it?" From then on they called it manna, which means, "What is it?"
What it was, was God's provision for them. What it was, was the answer to their prayers. (Give us something to eat.) What it was, was a blessing wrapped up in the shape of a thin frosted flake.
Have you ever been blessed like that?
Sometimes we don't recognize God's provision or his blessing. Sometimes his gifts are wrapped up in unusual packages. Sometimes they don't look too tasty. Sometimes God gives us situations or circumstances and we ask, "What is this?"
Take.
Eat.
They ate the "bread of angels" for for 40 years. To the younger generation that was all they ever ate! They probably assumed that God would always provide for them in the same way. They probably took his miraculous provision for granted. What did they think when they got to the promised land and the manna stopped?
Where's God?
Why has he abandoned us?
Where's my frosted flakes?????
Has God ever taken away something that you had assumed would always be there?
God can work in any way he wants to. Just because he has done something one way for 40 years doesn't mean that is how he has always worked or how he always will work. Be careful about assuming that you have God figured out. Don't put him in a box and say "This is my God and this is how he works."
HE IS GOD!
He is not a genie.
He is not your secretary.
He is not Santa Clause.
He is not your Grandpa.
He works in ways that are SO far beyond what we can think or imagine.

Hundreds of years after the wilderness experience, the descendants of those wanderers said to Jesus, "Show us a miraculous sign if you want us to believe in you. What can you do? After all, our ancestors ate manna while they journeyed through the wilderness! Moses gave them bread from heaven to eat."
(Hey Jesus! Give us some stuff! Feed us! We want what you can do for us!)

Jesus answered, "Moses didn't give them bread from heaven. My Father did. And now he offers you the true bread from heaven...Your ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, but they all died. Anyone who eats the bread from heaven, however, will never die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven."
(I give you me.)

"WHAT?"
God's greatest provision came wrapped up in a baby who became a man.
Surprising? Yes
Unbelievable? Yes
A God who can feed a million people frosted flakes for 40 years can do anything he wants to.
He chose to come.
He chose to give us himself.
Take.
Eat.

Consolation of Time

2011-01-31T08:27:00.000-05:00

Wounds of the spirit, which at first appear incurable, are gently soothed and made whole by the passing years. New life flows again under old scars. Under a great loss the heart cries that it can never be happy again and perhaps in its desperation says that it wishes never to be comforted. But though angels do not fly down to open the grave and restore the lost, the days and months come as angels with healing in their wings. Under their touch, aching regret passes into tender memory; into hands that were empty new joys are softly pressed; and the heart, that was like the tree stripped of its leaves and beaten by winter's tempests, is clothed again with the green of spring.

(Mrs. Charles Cowman, from her book Consolation)

A piece of the puzzle...

2011-01-28T07:03:00.002-05:00

A friend of ours is adopting from Ethiopia. Anna would be so excited about the baby, so I wanted to make sure to do something in her name. Buying a puzzle piece to support the adoption reminded me that Anna (and each of us) is just a small part of a much bigger picture. Our lives can only be understood when they are pieced together by the Master's hand.

A Very Special Piece of Our Adoption Puzzle

What choice do I have?

2011-01-18T11:54:00.001-05:00

How do you respond to tragedy, bad news, difficult circumstances, or suffering?

In Genesis we see a contrast between a father's response and a son's response. When Joseph's brothers tricked their father into thinking Joseph had been killed by wild animals,

Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. "I will go to my grave mourning for my son, " he would say, and then he would weep.

I have been there. Like Jacob, I have been inconsolable. Shortly after Anna died I wrote, "How can I pray that things will get better? Anna is not coming back so things can never get better." I thought I would grieve until the day I died and I was hoping that would be sooner rather than later.
But the reality for Jacob was that his son was alive and well in Egypt. What he could see (a bloody coat, an empty place at the table) did not tell the whole story. What he thought was true was not. Not only could he not see the truth, he could not even imagine it. The reality for me is that Anna is alive in a place I can't imagine. What I can see (a grave, an empty chair) does not tell the whole story. What I can see is not all there is.

I know someone who went to his grave mourning for his child. He grieved for years and in his obituary were the words, "He never got over the death of his daughter." He died with a broken heart. What difference would it had made if he knew where she was? What if he had hope that he would see her again? What if he had trusted God?

While Jacob was weeping over his loss, Joseph was wailing over his situation. When he was thrown into a pit and then sold into slavery he wasn't thinking... "I bet this is my dream coming true." (Earlier in the story he had a dream that his brothers would bow down to him.) He was screaming and begging his brothers not to do this terrible thing to him. He was fighting against the very thing that God was using to fulfill his purpose.

When bad things happen to us, do we say, "Lord have your way and fulfill your purpose in me"? I know I didn't say that. I went down the cancer road kicking and screaming--just like Joseph. I remember saying, "I don't want to go down this road, but I have no choice." Joseph didn't have a choice either. He walked down that road to Egypt against his will. He could have been bitter/angry/despondent/inconsolable. He could have been like his father. But somewhere along that road Joseph accepted what was happening to him as being allowed by God. He lost everything--his family, his home, his language, and his freedom-- but at some point he stopped fighting and started trusting. His understanding of God's hand in his situation is evident later in the story when he tells his brothers, "What you meant for evil God meant for good." (Gen. 50:20) I wonder how long it took for him to come to that conclusion? Was it while he was being dragged down the road to Egypt? Or perhaps when he was a slave in Potipher's house? Or maybe when he was in prison after being falsely accused? The point is, he didn't wait until good things started happening to trust God. He trusted him before he could see God's plan to use him to save his people. He trusted him when he didn't know how things would turn out. He trusted him when things weren't going well. Wherever he was, and whatever his situation, the Lord was with him--and Joseph knew it.

How about you? What road are you on? Do you want to be there? Do you have a choice? Are you fighting or trusting? Are you refusing to be comforted or are you trusting in what you cannot see?

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:16-18)

I have a good friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. She doesn't want to go down that road, but like Joseph, her choice is not in whether or not she goes down that road. Her choice is how she will respond while she is there. Will she refuse to be comforted or will she seek out the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3)? Will she be like Joseph and trust God when she can't see his purpose? Will she trust that what she can see (chemo, surgery, sickness) is not all there is?

Will you?

Praise

2011-01-17T09:58:00.000-05:00

This Christmas our wish list looked like this...

New sofa

Power washer

Extension ladder

Gas blower

Those are not things that you can wrap and put under the tree, so both of our parents gave us checks to help buy things for the house. We were SO grateful and they were SO generous. We thanked them for our gifts and then Richard tucked them into his Bible so they wouldn't get lost on the way home.
The next week when Richard went to take the checks to the bank to deposit them, THEY WEREN'T THERE. I didn't panic at first because I was sure that he put them someplace safe and they would turn up eventually. I didn't even help look, but assured Richard that he would find them soon. After two weeks, I could tell Richard was starting to worry. He didn't want to have to go to our parents and ask for another check, but he knew that was what would have to happen. That night before we went to bed, I prayed that we would find those checks. It was the first time I had asked for God's help. The next morning I was reading in Matthew chapter 9 about the blind men who were begging Jesus to have mercy on them. Jesus asked, "Do you believe I can make you see?" The men answered, "Yes, Lord we do." Then Jesus said, "Because of your faith, it will happen."

"Marlo, do you believe I can make you see those checks?"
"Yes, Lord I do."

I wrote this in my journal,

Lord I ask in faith for you to show us where those checks are. We have done everything in our strength to find them. Now, if they are found it will be because of you.

Then I got up and looked into the top drawer of our dresser--not there. Then I pulled the chair over so that I could look on top of our dresser. Richard had already looked there so I had no reason to search again, but I did. And there they were!

I think sometimes God is waiting to give us things until we ask so that he can receive the glory.
Have I asked for things in the past and the answer is "No" or "Not now"? Of course!
Has that made it hard for me to ask for things again? Yes.
Does that mean that I shouldn't ask? NO!
The Bible says we are to lay our requests before him and wait in expectation.
Have faith that he is ABLE and wait and see what he will do.

Don't look back

2011-01-12T12:43:00.001-05:00

When God told Abraham about his plan to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because of their sin, Abraham pleaded with God to spare the city on behalf of his nephew and his family. The Lord said that if there were at least ten righteous people in the city, he would not destroy it. Unfortunately there were not even ten, yet God still showed mercy by sending his angels to tell Lot's family to run from the coming destruction.

With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished.”

When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, “Flee for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!” (Gen 19:15-17)

Even though the sins of Sodom were great, Lot resisted leaving there. Even though everything around him was about to be destroyed, he hesitated. He resisted leaving the known for the unknown. He resisted leaving his comfortable house to live in a cave. He resisted the new life that was being offered him. The angels had to seize his hand and the hands of his family and drag them out, for the Lord was merciful. Lot did nothing to bring about his salvation. He did nothing to deserve his salvation. But because of the Lord's mercy, he was saved.

The family was told to not stop and to not look back. To take a hold of their new life, they had to let go of the old one and look ahead. They had to trust that God's plan was their best option. Unfortunately neither Lot or his wife trusted God's plan. Lot begged to be allowed to flee to a nearby city instead of the mountains. Lot's wife disobeyed and looked back. Lot eventually fled to the mountains, and his wife became another casualty of the judgement of Sodom and Gomorrah.

When our past controls our present, we put ourselves outside God's plan for abundant life. When we resist the new people, new experiences, and new challenges that God brings, we become stuck in between the past and the present. When I look at pictures of the way our family used to be, I long to go back. But if my longing keeps me looking back instead of looking ahead, then it keeps me from fulfilling God's purpose for me today. It keeps me from embracing His plan. It keeps me from enjoying the abundant life He has promised.
I must grasp God's hand and go with him. Like Lot, I may not like where He takes me, but I can learn to live there. I can learn to trust God with the future I cannot see. Don't look back. Look ahead.

C U in DC

2011-01-06T10:01:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday we had the opportunity to visit Washington DC and see a newly elected US Representative sworn in. Two years ago James Lankford was working in Oklahoma as the director of the state Baptist youth camp, when he felt like God wanted him to run for congress. In faith, he quit his job and started his campaign. No one thought he could win because he didn't have any political experience. But, on Tuesday he was ceremonially sworn in to represent the 5th district of Oklahoma. There were about 50 of his friends and family who journeyed to DC to be a part of the celebration. Although we lived the closest, it was still an all day affair, but well worth the time and effort. We are so glad we were able to be there!

We got there just in time to take a tour of the capital building before the ceremony.

It's impossible to tell from this picture, but the statue of Liberty (her body, not the base) could fit inside the dome with room left over.

Inside the rotunda--on the right is our tour guide. In our group there were people from Germany, China, France, Japan, Nigeria, and Mexico--and our guide could speak all of their languages!

Audra is standing under the painting of Pocahontas being baptized. Audra attends Pocahontas Middle School!

Each state donated two statues to the capital. We found one of the ones from Oklahoma.

This is one of the newest presidential statues--Ronald Reagan. Chunks of the Berlin wall make up part of the base. The man from Germany loved seeing that.

Richard's favorite part of the tour was the old Supreme Court room.

After the tour we walked across the street to the House Agriculture committee room. It had a balcony that overlooked the capital.

Frank Lucas from Oklahoma's 3rd district performed the swearing in ceremony.

I hope the kids remember James' speech, but I'm afraid all they will remember is the metro. This is Will being disappointed because we did not ride in the last car. I think he thought it would be like a roller coaster and the last car would be more exciting. I was afraid that there would be gang members in the last car. Which one of us is more childish?????

We embarrassed Jacob who was trying to be cool and act like he had done this before.

We had a great day and are looking forward to our next visit to DC.